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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

advise on separation and finances

11 replies

Lottiesnanny · 21/12/2022 20:19

I’m hoping someone here can give me some advice.
I have had a horrible four/five years with my husband, and we are finally decided to separate.
We live in a house with no mortgage children all grown up ( second marriage no children together) and I am three months away from pension age.

My husband wants to give me £40,000 while he keeps 160,000 and all the furniture, he’s saying that he cashed in a pension and a small inheritance his mum gave him helped pay for the house, so that’s all I’m getting.
That is not strictly. True we have bought and sold houses over the years and made money on them. That is why we are mortgage free . His pension and inheritance went straight into his bank account which I have never had access to.
I think he’s trying to wear me down so that I agree because it’s so unbearable to live here with the mental torture.
I have to go for half so that I can maybe get back on the housing ladder with one of those shared ownership things. Renting is not an option at my age with only my pension for income .
I’m thinking, maybe I should seek the help of a solicitor after Christmas and the New Year would you guys stick to your guns?

OP posts:
waterSpider · 21/12/2022 20:38

I’m thinking, maybe I should seek the help of a solicitor after Christmas and the New Year would you guys stick to your guns?

clear YES to both.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 21/12/2022 20:42

Definitely invest in some time with a solicitor - it sounds complicated. Take along all the financial information you can get your hands on, his and yours.

Fireflygal · 21/12/2022 21:54

How long have you been together, pre & post marriage?

Original poster
Lottiesnanny · 21/12/2022 22:16

14 years together 9 years married

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 21/12/2022 22:51

So that's a long marriage and likely to be entitled to more. Speak to a solicitor but courts don't like to see one party very disadvantaged when there are funds available.

Is he drawing a pension?

jsku · 22/12/2022 02:07

He is definitely trying to get you to agree an unfair settlement.
You have a long marriage, and marital home should really be split 50/50.
And - of course as it’s a second marriage for both, and some pension assets might have been involved - all needs to be taken into account.
And for that - there needs to be transparency of financial information.
Which is what happens when you go through divorce, using solicitors.

You may he able to avoid actually doing it - if he realises that you aren’t just going to bend to his will and start being more transparent/fair.

Keep strong. Don’t let him bully you. Do what you need to do to keep sane and carry on. Start with making an appointment.

silentpool · 22/12/2022 02:12

See a lawyer!

Andypandy799 · 22/12/2022 04:09

Don’t forget you are entitled to half his pension and possibly the inheritance? Not a lawyer myself but I wouldn’t settle for less than half of all joint assets

Original poster
Lottiesnanny · 22/12/2022 04:57

Thank you everyone for solid advice . I shall be making an appointment to see a solicitor today for the new year.
in the meantime I shall make myself scarce to avoid anymore confrontation… Merry Christmas everyone ❤️

OP posts:
Andypandy799 · 22/12/2022 05:06

Eat of luck and have a fab Xmas without the bastard

Andypandy799 · 22/12/2022 05:07

Sorry best of luck

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