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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being unreasonable?

16 replies

penguilil123 · 21/12/2022 19:16

Hi everyone,

I have a situation going on and wondered if anyone had any advice.

I met a guy back a few months ago and things were going so well but he was having family issues and wasn’t in the right headspace. During this time, I supported him and tried so hard. After the first month he basically said he couldn’t get into a relationship with the situation and I was pretty gutted because we did really get on. He really started messing me around with it, not turning up, ignoring me for days on end and just not being nice. He then didn't speak to me for a month.

Following this he messaged me once a week asking if I was okay but nothing me. He didn't turn up when we’ve arranged things and generally has not been the best. I kind of gave up on him because I was getting nothing back and he explicitly said to me “you’re single and can do what you want”, “I don’t want a relationship right now” and "you're not my priority" etc.

I ended up having a very drunken one night stand about two weeks ago when all of this was going on (I don’t even remember anything).

Fast forward to the past few weeks and we’ve kind of rekindled things. He apologised for this actions and said he wanted to try properly to make things work between us. I told him what had happened with me out of respect because its a small town and his reaction was annoyed to say the least. He seemed alright about it at first and got over it but after a week took it rather badly.

He says he “had the chance to do the same but didn’t because of me” and “can’t get his head around why I’d do that”. Bare in mind I don’t remember the whole thing and he told me he didn’t want me… I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. I’ve apologised and said I understand he’s upset/jealous (his words) but I really don’t think I’m in the wrong following his actions. He has now ignored me for the past 4 days, told me he "doesn't want to see me or speak to me" and is making me really upset just before xmas.

Have I done anything wrong here?

OP posts:
WrongLife · 21/12/2022 19:17

Nah, fuck him. If you want to have a one night stand when you are single, it's nothing to do with him.

Throw this one back, I think

MyBooksAndMyCats · 21/12/2022 19:17

No, he's a complete and utter head case do not waste anymore time on him; you will not have a good future will someone like that.

Ihatethenewlook · 21/12/2022 19:21

Wff? Some random you met a few months back has continuously pissed you around, and is now already acting controlling and abusively and you’re not even together? Why are you still giving him the time of day?

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 21/12/2022 19:27

Fuck no. This guy is a walking red flag factory. He is a dumpster fire of red flags. He is a unhappy life rolled up in a red flag bow. Do not let him fuck with your mind or self esteem.

Pismascrescents · 21/12/2022 19:31

Life is too short! This is meant to be the honeymoon period. How much of the time have you been happy with him and how much dad?

move on…

Pismascrescents · 21/12/2022 19:31

sad not dad ew

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 21/12/2022 19:34

Yes you have done wrong here. You shouldn't be giving this jackass the time of day.

Have more self respect, whatever time of year it is.

gamerchick · 21/12/2022 19:39

OP, give yourself a present and ditch this arse. Even if you give it a go, he's going to hold this nothing over your head.

Tell him to fuck off and stay out of your Inbox from now on.

SmileWithADimple · 21/12/2022 19:40

You have done nothing wrong OP. Stop apologising.

Beetie1 · 21/12/2022 19:45

I'm not sure why you even told him... not his business!

TheCurseOfBoris · 21/12/2022 19:55

Please just write him off OP. Nothing is going to come of it. He's messed you around and now being all weird about you having a one night stand.
He's ignored you for 4 days. With respect, move on.

Zanatdy · 21/12/2022 20:13

Do yourself a favour this new year and higher your standards. This guy has done nothing but mess you around, has decided he does want you and is now angry you dared to have a one night stand when you were single as he didn’t want you. Block him and walk away as this relationship is only going to get worse if this is the honeymoon period. I can guarantee this will be thrown in your face every single cross word for the entire relationship too

ButterflyOil · 21/12/2022 20:22

He’s a headfuck. He won’t get any better than this - you’re barely even in anything resembling a relationship and he’s ok to ignore you, mess you about, and then have a go about a ONS. Why are you doubting yourself when it’s very clear he’s being a total wanker? Do you normally have low self esteem or doubt yourself?

penguilil123 · 21/12/2022 20:23

I've been in some really abusive relationships and I think it's damaged my self esteem

OP posts:
Pineappleskies · 21/12/2022 20:24

If you want to save yourself a world of pain, end this now.

2chocolateoranges · 21/12/2022 20:24

Don’t waste another minute with him, he ignored you, didn’t message , said he didn’t want a relationship and now he’s decided he does!

find someone who deserves you, know your worth!

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