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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Negative family member

8 replies

AllyCatTown · 21/12/2022 14:37

There’s someone who’s been around my whole life who I have no happy memories with. They just constantly criticise, moan and lecture. I don’t feel comfortable around them. I just don’t get why they don’t think about the effects that has and what people must think of them? Sometimes they might have something useful to say but it’s the way they go about it. Like they just start shouting at me out of no where when they could just start a conversation or say they know a better way of doing something instead of just start shouting and telling me off.

How do you deal with such people?

OP posts:
Scriabin · 21/12/2022 14:41

You start teaching them how to treat you, and if they don't feel your worth being treated with respect you don't have them in your life anymore.

Easier said that done - I know.

Is this a parent?

Thelnebriati · 21/12/2022 14:41

Low contact to no contact!

Scriabin · 21/12/2022 14:42

sorry 'you're worth' not 'your worth'

forththeroast · 21/12/2022 14:50

Agree no contact or low contact. If low contact, make sure you do something nice for yourself after seeing them.

Thelnebriati · 21/12/2022 14:52

Are they like this with everyone or is it just you?

Pinkbonbon · 21/12/2022 15:31

You remove them from your life.

If you want, have one conversation with them along the lines of 'in future, if you speak to me this way... I'll leave'. And if they don't moderate their behaviour, leave the house/phonecall whenever they start being dicks.

But honestly this person sounds like a misery to be around. So it's not just a case of occasional bad behaviour. Rather than attempting to set boundaries with them...I'd set them fir myself and how I allow myself to be treated.

And personally, my boundary would be not to spend any time around this person. Ever.

Wonnle · 23/12/2022 15:59

You deal with it by not having anything to do with them basically

Strokethefurrywall · 23/12/2022 16:10

I used to have a great aunt like this, I remember one Christmas I wished her a merry Christmas and asked how she was. She said "not merry, miserable" or words to that effect.
I responded cheerily, "ahh don't worry, maybe you'll be dead next year!" - in my defense I was in my early 20s and she was a curmudgeonly bat. It also took her many more years to die.

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