Exp continues to send gifts

[pastypirate]

I've just had a message from my old neighbour to say she has a parcel for me. It can only be from exp as everyone else is using new address. I haven't responded to and communication from him since last Xmas. He has sent 5/6 parcels now. The most recent one was quite creepy and aimed at the dds (not his) dd1 thought it was ridiculous and unwanted. I didn't let dd2 see it.

He's blocked on everything. I'm worried I will invite contact. The last parcel showed me he's not someone accepting a relationship is over for 14 months already.

I don't want him having my new address

Any ideas?

I would unblock to message him and say any contact is unwanted and if he sends anything again you will consider it harrassment. Then block him again.

Can't you just tell the old neighbour you don't want the parcel? Leave it up to her whether to bin, keep or give away the contents.

Yep, I'd just ask the neighbour to bin it and apologise for the inconvenience. If his address is on the back, she could try to do a return to sender, but that seems like a lot of hassle.

I would ask the old neighbour to not accept any more parcels, tell delivery ‘gone away’ and ask the courier to return it.

Are you still near the old neighbour? I would collect this parcel and take it to the post office and dump it in the bag with ‘Not known at this address RTS’ all over it, in disguised handwriting.

Say it's kind of her to take it in but any more parcels she can say return to sorting office and eventually it'll be returned back to him.

Are you sure it’s from him? People keep saved delivery addresses in their Amazon account etc and might have sent a Christmas gift?

How would he end up with your new address?

I presume he thinks you're still at your previous address given he's sending packages there? If that's that case DONT get your neighbour to return it saying you're no longer at this address - just let him think you are?

We have been down and collected it. It's from exp and it doesn't have a return address.

I can't ask my neighbour to get it to the sorting office etc she works full time and has a life!

I would do nothing to let him know that you have the parcels, because if he turns up and finds you gone, he will know that either the current occupants or old neighbour have a contact for you.

Just ask your old neighbour not to accept any parcels for you. Eventually one will find its way back to him...or else he will just keep sending stuff into the ether - not your problem.

OR unblock to send one message that says 'please do not send any further parcels or any other communication. It is not welcome and not appropriate' but don't tell him you have moved.

Make sure your address is not published on the electoral roll in your new home.

I think the PP was suggesting she refuse them - the postie take them back to the sorting office and mark not known or summat?

He wants you to make contact with him, this is what he sees as his way back into your life. Just ignore the gifts/bin them/give them to charity.

Don’t give him what he wants - attention/contact.

Thanks all. It's really annoyed me this time. I haven't responded to any contact from him since Xmas 21 and he's blocked so paper mail is the only option for him. I wouldnt bt allow him back into my life in any sense he's a right idiot. I have no sm contact with him and all my accounts are private.

I'm scared that unblocking him even for a moment will invite more contact. How dare he make me feel like that!

Don't unblock him, stay no contact. He is only proving to you (again) that he is an idiot by sending the parcels. Just bin them/ask the ex-neighbour to bin them.

I would send a strongly worded letter, not including your new address obviously, stating that you don’t want any further contact from him including letters or parcels and if this happens again you’ll report him to the Police. This worked for me when I was having similar problems with an ex who couldn’t let go.

Its easy for me to say but try not to give him head space as this is exactly what he wants.

I keep considering this. I could send it care of his employer to make sure. I'm so scared this will open another Pandora's box ffs

It's only because you are still in contact with your old neighbour that you know about these parcels. If she wasn't being so helpful, they would be being refused on the doorstep and sent back to the Royal Mail / courier.

But you know what he is like - will he give up if he is ignored, or will he ramp things up if you contact him?

You could set up a one-time email address, send him one message saying stop it, any further contact will be treated as harassment, and that the e mail account will now be de-activated.

I think I'd be cautious and not communicate with him in any way. I'd ask your neighbour to refuse any further parcels, saying you don't live at the address any more (although this is tricky, when I take in parcels for next door I don't first ask 'what name is on the parcel?' but if she can do that, it will definitely help). Finally I'd ask her to dispose of any further parcels without telling you about it as you feel he is trying to harass you with this contact.