My husband makes me feel worthless

[Whatjusthappend]

Hi, first time posting but I am desperate for help.
I have been with my husband for 22 years and married for 4 months.
We have 3 children and they are all his.
The problem is that he practically ignores me. He stays up all night on his computer and comes to bed long after I'm asleep. He is constantly attached to his phone and is very secretive about everything. He doesn't show any interest in Mr but constantly criticises any decision, action or activity I choose to make or do. He is angry and verbally abusive and if I so much as raise any issues or problems he tells me it is my fault.
I've caught him messaging ow twice before and both times he pushed it firmly back at me for not paying him enough attention. The first time I had had our youngest 6 months prior and was deep in the breastfeeding mire, the second time my mum had just died.
He is a lazy, selfish man with no real input to our lives and I can't even say he's a good dad. He makes no effort with the kids and even tried to get our eldest to cover for him when he took a day off work to sleep. He lied to me the night before that he had to make up time that evening for work as he had some hours to make up for. He "worked" til 4 in the morning.
I ha e stuck by him faithfully through all of his difficult times including a near fatal accident and a cancer diagnosis.
Am I being stupid? Am I just a mug? I feel so lonely and unloved it's breaking my heart.

Well this may be one instance where you did the right thing in marrying him as it makes you a lot stronger financially.

If you've raised these issues with him and he refuses to change then I'd be looking at plans to leave

Well at least you get some financial protection now you're married, so maybe think of making plans to leave? After 22 years I doubt he's going to suddenly change for the better

You definitely need to get him to leave. Life is too short to waste any more on this horrible man.

I’d advise you see a lawyer and get your finances sorted out.

Oh op, I am very sorry you are going through this. I think you know within yourself what you need to do. If you had a close friend who wrote your op, what would your advice be to her? Your DH crossed a line when he was angry and abusive to you, he crossed another one by messaging ow, and he's crossed another one involving your dc in his lies.

Don't think of yourself as stupid; think of yourself as a decent person who helped your partner through difficult times. Sadly, he turned out to be unworthy of your support. And pretty stupid and selfish too if he can't appreciate how loving and loyal you are.

It's time to put the past where it belongs op and make plans over Christmas. Go and see women's aid, citizens advice and/or a solicitor. Get some rl support from family and friends. Locate and copy all important financial documents. Start making enquiries about alternative living arrangements. Protect yourself as men often become their most violent when women leave and he is already angry and abusive. Keep strong 💪. You can do this. But do it carefully. And get yourself some help.