Social media / child photos

[burnout1993]

Hi,

I’m not known for being very tactful hence asking for advice here.

My DM and I don’t speak or see each other very often, low contact if you will. Tried NC but she just kept messaging my husband telling him it had gone on long enough and it needed sorting out. My DS has only ever seen her a handful of times and only when I’m there. This is purposeful as there is a lot of history of things from my childhood into teens like being dragged about by my hair, repeatedly opening and shutting my bedroom door in my face and shouting whilst I was hysterically crying and prolonged subjecting to emotional abuse by her and by her remaining married to an incredibly controlling man who made my life hell and assaulted me (just for some background that I’m not just being petty and she isn’t just some proud grandma!)

I recently got some lovely professional photos back of DS so added a couple to my social media. I rarely share much of him and have very private settings/friends due to my previous job working in a high secure prison and now still working with offenders, just less serious. I don’t have him in my profile or cover photo as they’re public regardless of settings.
Today, DM it appears, has gone into my post, saved my photos and uploaded one as her cover photo. Cue lots of people I don’t know commenting on it and one saying he looks like my half brother, her son with another man (the alcoholic she was married to before the emotionally abusive older man) when he absolutely doesn’t (that is just me being slightly petty there!) I don’t know who’s on her friends list.

How can I raise the idea I’m not comfortable with this or is there a way I can get it off by reporting? Every time I challenge her on anything she turns it into her being a victim and being so heavily pregnant, I can’t be doing with more stress!
I still probably have a lot of FOG and people pleasing tendencies about me which doesn’t help.

Thank you

For one thing, I think you should remove your DM from social media (or if you're concerned with the fallout of this, go into your settings and restrict what she can see. I believe there is the option to restrict individuals).

I.persinally would be no contact with a parent like this and not allow any bullying or harassing to rope me back in. I appreciate it is difficult though.

As far as what she actually did with your child's photo, I would try to report it to FB - that it is your photo of your child and was stolen/being used without your consent. I hope this alone could get it down for you but don't give her access going forward.

Thank you - I didn’t know you could restrict people so will have a look around for that.

It really is difficult - she repeatedly tramples over boundaries but then it is always my fault and there was never any malice in it; the same way she justifies being a good parent as that I was always provided for financially and had a roof over my head.

I would just ask her to remove it from her cover photo and explain why. Perhaps reassure that you don’t mind her having the photo but you don’t want it visible on a public domain.

If she comes back with any nonsense let her know you will ask the social media provider to remove it citing breach of privacy of a minor and uploaded without consent.

Just be very matter of fact about it and if she strops, well so be it.

Ask her to take it down and if she won't, ask FB to take it down.

Then I'd consider even lower contact and blocking her on social media. You can't trust her an inch and she doesn't deserve to be in your life.

Ask her to remove the photo as you don't want it displayed/shared on a profile which isn't private.
But it's quite difficult to enforce boundaries on social media photographs once you start displaying them yourself regardless of your own privacy settings, you can end up looking like a hypocrite and upsetting people. I've been there!

Best advice from me is absolute zero photos and lead by example if you don't want them copied and shared like what's happened.