Feeling weird about this

[Carriebosse]

Just went for first holiday with bf of 3 months, a week away and was really good. The first day neither of us had had much sleep (maybe 3 hours!) due to travelling and both a bit tired and grumpy (although not at each other). He suggested we have sex and I said I wanted to but needed a nap first, could he wake me. He then woke me an hour later but I was still exhausted so asked him to leave me to it; he became grumpy and said I’d told him to wake me, if we wanted to we should do it now as we had to go out soon etc etc. I said no I didn’t want to and went back to sleep.

later on, he said of his own accord he shouldn’t have put pressure on me and he wouldn’t do it again. I do feel weird about it though, it’s not like him but did feel a bit sex pesty. I fancy him and want to have sex but need time to get in the mood so normally when he initiates I’ll either say yes (if I want fo) or suggest we have it later (and we generally do)… So it’s not like we’re vastly mismatched,

can anyone help?

I'm not sure what help you're looking for tbh?

I think you’re making more of this than there was. He asked for sex, you said yes but let me have a nap first and then wake me. He woke you up expecting the wake-up sex you’d suggested. You said no and he was a bit grumpy about it but ultimately didn’t push it anymore and let you go back to sleep, recognised on his own accord his behaviour was not on and then apologised afterwards. If you were tired on 3 hours sleep I imagine he was too which likely explains his grumpy behaviour. I’m not saying it was okay for him to be grumpy about it, but we all get grumpy sometimes even if we shouldn’t, the important thing is he didn’t push it or try to force it, this isn’t typical behaviour for him and he recognised it and apologised of his own accord. So long as it doesn’t happen again it really doesn’t sound like a big deal and I say that as someone who was in a coercive relationship and has had a lot of unwanted/ pressured sex and is usually on high alert for those kinds of red flags.

Thanks! Tbh it felt quite pushy at the time but ultimately he obviously didn’t push or force me and took no for an answer. I can’t remember what he said was was half asleep but just remember he was grumpy and unhappy that I was asking to go back to sleep and not agreeing to the promise I’d made earlier. Helpful to know I’m overthinking as I do like him a lot.

It's the early stages of a relationship and he finds you massively attractive. He sounds like he was respectful and is self aware... what's not to like?

I'm (rather wistfully*) assuming you're having lots of exploratory, just getting to know each other, horny new person sex otherwise!?

*adore my dp and our great sex life but sometimes...

haha we are!! We tend to see each other twice a week and have sex then which is great. Tmi but we hasn’t seen each other for a few days before the hol and also Id has my period so it had been about ten days - which felt like a lot. I haven’t had a serious relationship for a while (and this feels like it is going there) so sometimes a little paranoid about seeing red flags…

If it felt pushy that is a bit more concerning but obviously without seeing it hard for anybody here to say for sure. I wouldn’t panic about it now but wouldn’t completely forget about it either, as I said as a one off when very tired and on holiday and after you’d said you’d be up for it on waking and changed your mind (as is your prerogative!) it’s okay and not a red flag but maybe an orange/ yellow one; to me it would be concerning if it became a pattern of behaviour definitely but not a deal breaker as a one off.

Perhaps you are a tad different libido wise. You've only been together 3 months, so should still be in the honeymoon phase where tiredness doesn't always stop it. He maybe didn't get that tiredness would be enough of a reason as he was up for it regardless. Now he's learnt hopefully that it is a good enough reason for some and should be accepted. Overall, not a big deal that needs any of your focus.

Helpful to know I’m overthinking as I do like him a lot

Who decides for you how much something should concern you, though? If Bob Smith off Mumsnet says you're thinking too much, how do you deem him to be right?

Via self doubt, leading to disrespecting and overlooking your own feelings.

If you don't like something someone does, you don't like it. Nobody can tell you you're wrong.