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Original poster

What to expect from daughter's dad

9 replies

maybabymama · 20/12/2022 10:17

We are going through a break up and he should be moving after the New Year.
Now my question is what is right to ask for and what is too much.
He mentioned he will help with the bills etc but I think that he shouldn't? He will need to cover his own bills and expenses (we currently rent a flat)
What I would expect from him is contribute when buying what our daughter needs (clothing, food, any other expenses) and of course he will be taking her on the weekends so he will be responsible then.
I am being too good or is that the right thing to do? Anyone else was or is in a similar situation and could share their experiences?
Thank you

OP posts:
Ostryga · 20/12/2022 10:47

Just go through CMS. He’ll say all the stuff you want to hear now, but when it comes to it it’s far better to take out the what he feels he should pay and just make him pay what he actually has to.

They work it out on his earnings and how many overnights a year he will have your daughter.

baileys6904 · 20/12/2022 10:49

A lot of parents can make arrangements and stick to them without the cms' help and over and above what the CMS would ask for. Only you know what your daughters dad is like and you can always use the calculator for an idea of what it would be and use it as a starting point.

Original poster
maybabymama · 20/12/2022 10:57

baileys6904 · 20/12/2022 10:49

A lot of parents can make arrangements and stick to them without the cms' help and over and above what the CMS would ask for. Only you know what your daughters dad is like and you can always use the calculator for an idea of what it would be and use it as a starting point.

I think that's the advice I'll be taking. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
maybabymama · 20/12/2022 10:57

Ostryga · 20/12/2022 10:47

Just go through CMS. He’ll say all the stuff you want to hear now, but when it comes to it it’s far better to take out the what he feels he should pay and just make him pay what he actually has to.

They work it out on his earnings and how many overnights a year he will have your daughter.

I do t really want to go trough CMS. But I might use the calculator to get an idea of what they would ask him to pay

OP posts:
EL0ISE · 20/12/2022 11:05

I agree, use the CMS calculator , remember that’s the legal minimum he needs to pay, ideally by Standing order each month.

You need to know his income and the number of nights he will have her each month. Are you quite sure that he will actually have her every single weekend ?

Do not I repeat NOT get yourself into a situation where you have to beg him each month to give you some money, show him a detailed list and have to justify why you baby needs nappies or heating etc.

Theunamedcat · 20/12/2022 11:07

Make sure it goes through the bank it proves he has been paying and proves WHAT he has been paying 😏

SpinningFloppa · 20/12/2022 11:08

He just needs to pay cm (though can’t get any off my ex 🤦🏻)

Ostryga · 20/12/2022 14:39

Do not I repeat NOT get yourself into a situation where you have to beg him each month to give you some money, show him a detailed list and have to justify why you baby needs nappies or heating etc.

I just want to bring awareness to this. Whilst you may not want to go down the CMS route, you leave yourself open to having to justify what you’re spending money on, and your ex ends up with lots of control.

With CMS you completely take all of that out of it. I’ve done both ways and after a few months DD’s dad who was previously lovely and wanting a good relationship, started asking me to list what I’d bought and provide receipts. And at that point I went through CMS because it’s none of his fucking business quite frankly. He needs to pay for his child as much as you do.

Original poster
maybabymama · 20/12/2022 18:58

Ostryga · 20/12/2022 14:39

Do not I repeat NOT get yourself into a situation where you have to beg him each month to give you some money, show him a detailed list and have to justify why you baby needs nappies or heating etc.

I just want to bring awareness to this. Whilst you may not want to go down the CMS route, you leave yourself open to having to justify what you’re spending money on, and your ex ends up with lots of control.

With CMS you completely take all of that out of it. I’ve done both ways and after a few months DD’s dad who was previously lovely and wanting a good relationship, started asking me to list what I’d bought and provide receipts. And at that point I went through CMS because it’s none of his fucking business quite frankly. He needs to pay for his child as much as you do.

I think I'll try to do it without going cms route. And if it comes to us having disagreements etc, I'll do what you did and go down the cms route

OP posts:
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