STBEXH was cheating...

[OrchardBlack]

We separated in August. Out the blue from his end. He had 4 children from his first marriage whom I adored and for 8 years worked incredibly hard at cultivating a positive relationship with, I loved them and I am sure they loved me too.

I have been doing brilliantly, I've moved out, and being honest as much as I loved him and the children, the relief I have felt has kept the overwhelming heartbreak well and truly at bay.

Today I've found out he was having an affair and has now moved the OW into the old house, in with the kids, he abandoned our dog, I had to have rehomed, riddled with fleas and ear infections, but apparently OW has a dog that's come with her.

It's been 3 months. He has been seeing her towards the end in the summer and has moved her in with the kids.

Whilst I know they are no longer anything to do with me, it hurts. I worry for them hugely. He was a shit father in many ways but I'm so shocked and hurt. He promised there was no one else.

I'm such a mug. We've already separated so I can't throw him out, I can't have my say, I feel betrayed and powerless.

Not sure why I'm posting really. I would rather be single forever than go back and am genuinely so much happier and more free.

So why does it hurt?

It’s very recent and very quick.

I would keep interactions with him to a minimum. Be there for the kids and don’t convey your feelings about him and the OW to them.

Do you still have a relationship with the kids? Any kids of your own?

Thank you for replying.

None of my own, I had a MC two years ago (ExDH baby), which almost broke me.

I left them all little notes when I left, I spoke to both him and their mum checking they were OK with what I wrote and they both said they'd be fine with them staying in touch with me, so I just said i loved them, it's not their fault, and my door is open if they want to contact me, but so far they haven't, which is fine.

I just feel like such an idiot for believing there was no one else.

I have no reason to contact him thankfully, my friend contacts him on my behalf if needed, he's up to his eyes in debt and loads of it has been coming to my door that he needs to sort.

I just can't believe he would be so selfish as to move her in within 8 weeks. He couldn't afford the house rent on his own and I'm sure the fact he would have to.move out to a much smaller place without my income would have played a part. I'm just quite shaken.

No wonder you’re shaken, that’s a huge shock that he’s moved someone in so fast. Those poor children. You sound absolutely amazing and like such a lovely person, I’m sure you’ll leave a huge hole in those children’s lives. They may not even realise how lovely you were until they’re adults themselves.

Look after yourself and allow yourself to feel all those feelings. They’re natural.

I remember your last thread @OrchardBlack, I remember you'd had an absolutely awful day at work and he didn't come home that night to support you.

I'm so sorry that he turned out to be such an absolute a'hole! His treatment of you is unforgivable. I'm so sorry you have lost so much in this break up. I was posting under another name but I along with others suspected this would be the outcome, it's so bloody predictable, he's a nasty cliche.

But take consolation from the fact this man is utterly broken. He will repeat his behaviour.

It may help you to get onto chump lady website and/or read 'leave a cheat gain a life' both if those books can really help you see just how pathetic these idiots are, and help you move on!

You deserve SO much more than that idiot!

Oh gosh, thank you!

Yes it was an awful, terrible night. I have genuinely been doing so well and now I feel knocked for six again.

He has said he won't contest the divorce if I put the grounds as adultery, so I guess I have my answer.

I'll look up that book, thank you.

Thank you. I genuinely had such a great relationship with them. I hope she deserves them.

It's new and raw, you're in shock still. He clearly needs a new childminder/maid so has moved her in asap. His treatment of the dog says it all. You are well rid, even if it's currently very upsetting. Not seeing the children must be killing you. I hope you're OK.