Christmas at my boyfriends.

[Doodles29]

Hi all,

For a bit of context...Myself and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months and do not live together.

This year, Christmas is different for both of us. My parents are spending Christmas with their friends and my sister with her boyfriends parents. My boyfriend’s parents are separated, so he usually drives around to see his mum and then his Dad who lives by the coast. Unfortunately, he has fallen out with his Dad this year, so will only see his Mum and Grandma.

We agreed to spend Christmas together this year. We are spending Christmas Eve and 30th December with my family, and Christmas Day at his. He will be cooking for me, his Grandma and his Mum.

A couple of weekends ago, he suggested going to a lovely (but expensive) butchers to order some meat for the day. We went in together, and chose the meat we would like. They didn’t take payment and said we could pay when we collect on Friday this week. My boyfriend is working all week, so he asked if I could collect the meat and told me he would pay. He also has asked me to get a few bits whilst I’m off this week; vegetables and cheese etc. He said he would pay this too. I’ve said that I will
cover the drinks, deserts, table dressings, crackers etc.

I was happy with this arrangement, and told my mum this today in conversation. She said “well as long as you’re not footing the Bill for everything as that would be unfair... “ This made me feel negative and think about things.

When me and him go out, everything is 50/50 ish. He will pay for one thing, I will pay next time. However I did have a situation before where my parents arranged with him to buy cigarettes for him at the airport, he took a while to pay them back and my parents kept nagging at me. All of a sudden I was the middle man. I ended up paying my parents from my own money, just to protect the relationship and stop them nagging. I didn’t tell my boyfriend that they were nagging for the money back, but one day he just remembered and then sent me over the money.

I suppose what my mum said earlier has had me thinking. In the back of my mind I’m worrying that whatever I spend to feed his family this week, I won’t get back. It’s not the money I’m concerned about, it’s more the principle I suppose.

Should I ask him for the money to collect the meat up front? Or am I just being too pedantic?! My Mum has been known to plant a seed in my head about something and I let it grow and escalate into something major!

Thanks.

It literally sounds like he just forgot

I think your thinking to much into is. He pays 50/50 usually so I don't get what your problem is.

This. It seems like a non issue. Just ask him.

Just ask him to transfer the money in time . If he doesn't, ring him and tell him you can't pay for it.

He has agreed to pay for the items and so, you shouldn’t feel weird expecting payment for it. If you’re on a tight budget then I’d remind him before that you’re supposed to pick up the items and will need the money to pay for them. He should give it to you.

You say you’re afraid he won’t pay. I wonder if the fear is that he’s been not paying for things as 50/50 as you say, or you’re afraid of confrontation if you have to remind him of his debt to you.

He agreed to paying for these items so it shouldn’t be weird to request it. I need you to accept that. He said he would and therefore should.

If the fear is he won’t pay and then you’ll see him in a different light and also the relationship… it’s a small price to pay to really see someone for who they are.

I don’t fully understand the cigarettes issue. Did you tell him “hey parents need to be paid back?” Or were you too embarrassed to remind him? Not that you should have to remind him, but it is a missed opportunity to discus’s expectations. It’s also a missed opportunity to let him know how much it means for someone to keep his word without being reminded to.

A lot of these worries are about the future and you’ll see in time. This is a train going down the track.

if it makes it easier:

He will either pay you right away. He will make you ask for the money. OR he won’t ever pay.

Once you cross the bridge, if he makes you ask for the money the. You need to talk about that. If he doesn’t pay.. well… trash him.

Also your mom couldn’t plant a seed in infertile conditions… Don’t be the type of person to blame others while not taking full accountability for your own behaviors. Your mom can say whatever but it’s 100% up to you in how you run with it.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your boyfriend!!!