SEX AFTER 3RD DEGREE TEAR, a bit scared to go there, thoughts?experiences?

[Dalrymps]

Had our first son 3 months ago, suffered a 3rd degree tear, was stitched well and the midwives assure me it has healed well and the surgeon did a good job, feels ok now, well, no pain or discomfort just a little different to how it felt before, suppose it would do realy!
The problem is we haven't had sex yet, I was getting round to the idea when I got painful piles and it put me off again. I'm a bit worried as to how it'll go, scared that it'll hurt or be uncomfortable or spilt or something? Dh is being really nice, hasn't even asked for sex and is very understanding but the longer I leave it the more under pressure I feel to do it.
Any thoughts/advice/oppinions/experiences???

Thanks alice, yeah it was a little sore at around the 6 week mark but then it's been fine since then so should be ok

Hello, my experiene was 3rd degree tear... hour in theatre. that was 2half years ago and i can honestly say things are totally back to normal now and sex is ctually better now as the intensity of orgasms increased. but it tok me 6 months nearly to get 'back in the saddle' as it were!!! and you doin great to contemplate it sooner!! totally agree about importance of TALKING and goin SLOW. evevn bladder trauma (ie urge incontinence and still feeling urge to pee even straight after peeinig) gradually solved itself, albeit over a loner time period than i hoped/expected. 18 months - 2yrs later i noticed ongoing improvements sorry to ramble and digress....

thanks for the advice, would be a bonus if it actually gets better

Had a 3rd degree tear with my DD in 2005. Can't remember how long I left it before we had sex, probably a couple of months, and I was really nervous but DH was very considerate and patient.
Gave birth to DS in November last year with less damage - though I wanted to stop pushing as I was convinced i would just split in 2!!

glad to hear you had less damage 2nd time round, hoping that'll be the case for me too when I get to that stage!

Hey Dalrymps you sound exactly like me, every detail! I'll tell you that sex was not a problem, of course we didn't have any for good 3 months (or a bit more?). Then when baby was 7 months I got pregnant again!
Going to the loo was a problem .
Going to the loo ON TIME was a problem too.
But sex was fine

Yeah going to the loo is still a bit hit and miss, wee's are ok but number 2's are painfull occasionally (i think it's internal piles) and if i gotta go then i've gotta go! Hopefully i'll be like you and sex won't be an issue, not sure i could cope with another lo just yet though so i'll leave that to you... you had the 2nd yet? if not then good luck

6 months ago delivered 8lbs 7oz, I was 12 days overdue and induced, forceps were used resulting in 3rd degree tearing (and a broken tail bone) I'm 'healed' but scar tissue is sensitive to the touch still, we've had sex but it is so painful I have to use 'breathing exercises' to get through it. Husband is very understanding and is not pressuring me for sex, but Dr. keeps saying the more we 'do it' the easier it will become Dr. has prescribe me numbing cream...which doesn't work, so he may be sending me to a specialist for corrective surgery...any ideas how to make sex better naturally beyond tons of booze (breast-feeding) and K-Y jelly, so that I can avoid going back under the knife???

I have had lots of ongoing pain. DS is now 2 years old, and I have tried all sorts of stuff. Have just started seeing a great acupuncturist. For the last 2 days I have been able to walk without feeling twinges! I have almost forgotten what it's like to walk normally again. She's not using needles yet, just sound therapy on acupuncture points, but it's helping

A physio also gave me some great advice with perineal massage, and swiss ball work. Just sit on a ball and rock side-to-side and forward and back. Just as long as you can. Time it and see if you can go longer each day. It's all about de-sensitising the area. It's not fun, but much easier than going straight into painful sex.

vizbizz, I know this is an old thread and you are probably not going to see this but I was wondering if you now know why you were in pain after so much time still. I gave birth ten months ago and I'm still hurting, that's why I wanted to hear more about your experience. Hope you are feeling better now...

I know this is a really old thread, but wondered if I could reignite it. Gave birth to DC1 7 weeks ago, 3rd degree tear, still not healing well after rounds of antibiotics. Back to see consultant again on Tuesday. Just looking for more recent experiences really.

I had my DD 18 months ago and I had a 3rd degree episiotomy. I was all stitched up and sent home. A couple of day's later my stitch's started to come out and it all came open. I'd got a really bad infection! Eventually I was sent to a specialist perineum clinic who said they would not stitch me up, that it would all heal by itself - I was absolutely mortified!

I had a really bad few weeks I have to admit.

It was probably about 6 months before I could even contemplate haveing intercourse. Even though my cut had healed it was very sore and I just used to cry each time we would try. Eventually, I decided to go on top so I could have more control over the pace and how deep he would go and it seemed to help.

I'm 18 months on now and I can honestly say that we have a great sex life - It doesn't feel the same as it did before DD but it is still fab (my DH said I feel tighter than before!)sorry for TMI.

With heinsight I believe a lot of my anxiety was my confidance of how it would feel for me for DH and wondering if I would ever have an orgasm ever again!

Well I can assure you I did, and I'm sure, with time, your husbands understanding and a bit of confidance it will all work out for you.

Good luck x

hi i need sum advice i had my baby 11 weeks ago and i had a 3rd degree tear is it safe to have sex now at my hospital check up the doctor said i had heeled up ok but im so scared that its going to tear again or really hurt me can anyone help.thnx kim

Jaydonsmummy You'll probably find it easier to start a new thread as posters will respond to the OP rather than to you.

A vibrator used with lube on the perineum can help restore feeling as it aids blood flow and healing, 3 months is absolutely nothing as far as timescale goes, nerve damage can take up to 2 years to heal properly, massage with bio oil or even sunflower/olive oil is a good idea too.
My tear was lumpy and tender for a good few years but healed perfectly eventually and has never given me problems, 21 years on I have a vivid white zig zag scar that is a good inch and a half long but perfectly smooth.
If you can stretch your vaginal entrance with fingers and have no pain then gentle penetration should be ok.

Hi I gave birth in 2022. Quite sad that this happens to women still. I mean most cases of tears are because of inductions which could have been avoided. It seems I am one of the unlucky ones as I am now over a year later and cannot yet have intercouse. I tried a few times with proper lubrication
but it is too painful. :(