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Relationships

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Question about erectile dysfunction

28 replies

candycane10 · 18/12/2022 21:31

This may be a really stupid question but is it possible for a partner to suffer from ED without you knowing?

My bf of almost a year doesn't seem very interested in sex with me and it's more or less been this way the whole time. We do occasionally have sex and it's amazing....

I'm divorced with 2 DS and had a horrible time dating for a long time. Can honestly say this is the best relationship I've had in terms of happiness, fun, general compatibility. He's loving, affectionate and very tactile. I've never been with anyone this 'touchy feely' and physically affectionate. BUT we don't have sex very often.

I've considered that he might just not be that into me. However, we've got no financial ties, no shared dc so if he wasn't that into me he could just leave. If he wasn't into me what would he be sticking around for?

I've brought it up multiple times and there have been so many different reasons given that I'm now doubting what he's saying. He's not been feeling well/had a bad back/ tiredness/stress but always assured me it's not me.

I can't get my head round why he would be coming up with constant excuses to avoid more frequent sex. One thing I've been wondering about is ED. When we do have sex he has no problem getting or maintains and erection but it's always very much on his terms, ie it only happens when he instigates.

Could it be that he avoids it other times as he's worried about getting an erection or is it something that would happen consistently (ie would he struggle every time?

I know the obvious answer is to communicate but I've tried. Other than this one issue he's very open and otherwise a really good communicator so I'm wondering if he's embarrassed/ashamed.

If it was ED or medical related I would 100% stay with him and work through it. It would almost be a relief as I'm otherwise happy and could compromise on the frequency of the sex for all the other amazing things in the relationship. The single biggest issue is what the rejection is doing to my self esteem - if I knew it wasn't personal I'd be so much relaxed about it and would be very supportive of him.

Can ED only impact men some of the time or is it always an issue every time?

OP posts:
NoDatingForOldMen · 19/12/2022 11:30

Twoshoesnewshoes · 19/12/2022 09:42

Being hard already does suggest he may have taken the blue pill…
there are lots of medical reasons why he may have ED - low blood pressure, muscular issues, something ‘structural’ .

This isn’t strictly true, having an erection means he is in a state of arousal, the erection may or may not be helped by meds, the medication won’t just give a guy an erection, he will still need be in the mood for it to work.

could be ED or could be that he just doesn’t think about sex that much

NoDatingForOldMen · 19/12/2022 11:48

Can ED only impact men some of the time or is it always an issue every time?

can be both really, for some men it’s a chronic condition, for those ppl there a low dosage daily med available.

for others of us, it’s a kind of “helping hand” that we might need now & again

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 19/12/2022 14:32

To me it just sounds like he's got a low sex drive, especially if he's been like it since you got together. If so, it's not a reflection on you, he just doesn't feel the need for sex all that often.

Up to you if thats something you want to compromise on or not.

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