STBX makes me feel socially inadequate

[Fusciainertia]

We are pending divorce, still live under the same roof and will do for another year and a half due to finances. We have two young children.

He sees his work friends religiously once a week. And this week he had his work do and now he's also gone out for another meal with them. He also religiously sees the friends he grew up with one night a week too. So this week he's been out 4 nights out of seven, not drinking just food.

If I ask to go out he will always say yes.

I just don't have the friends to meet up with as much as that. I have lots of friends but not ones that I see that regularly.

It makes me feel so socially disadvantaged.

I'm not going to bring it up with him as we are not together romantically we will separate soon so what's the point. I know he's not cheating on me. He's respectful of me as a person and also as the mother of his kids.

I'm jealous of his social life. I probably wouldn't even be questioning my social life if it wasn't for the stark difference of his to mine.

I'm not sure what I want from this post. Just offloading really. Thanks for reading!

How can he be cheating on you? You’re not together so he can sleep with who he wants, he’s a man, if he’s not sleeping with you I don’t he’s going to say no else where.

I really feel for you, I couldn’t do what you’re doing. Can the council help house one of you? Or can he stay with his parents because this just sounds like an awful way to live.

Who looks after his children when he goes out to be a social butterfly?

Let me guess his children's mother - you.

Now you know why you don't have a social life like his.

No, she said she would be able to go out she just doesn’t have as many friends.

It sounds to me that you should take this feeling as a motivator to put more energy into your friendships. You say you don’t see your friends that regularly - why not invite some to meet up and make it more regular? Or take up a new hobby and try and make more connections? I feel like a great New Year’s resolution could come out of this feeling.

How can he be cheating on you? You’re not together so he can sleep with who he wants,

We both agreed to not get with anyone until we have separated properly.

Or can he stay with his parents because this just sounds like an awful way to live.

Both have died.

@pjani for the last year I have been working hard to make friends. It's going OK. It just takes time.

The thing is I don't think I even want to see friends that much. But I can't help but compare myself to what he gets up to when I am left at home alone! If I could switch off the comparisons there wouldn't be an issue. When we are living separately I can't imagine giving it a second thought. I'll just be getting on with my life and he'll be doing his and I will not be asking him what he's getting up to!!

really sad situation I’m sorry, I like the reply about building some friendships for yourself this year.

I also think you’re setting yourself up for heartache and betrayal having an agreement that you don’t sleep with anyone for a year, sorry but you must know that’s not realistic.

Well once you’re properly split up and have your own place he’ll actually need to do some parenting so you can build up more of a social life.

having an agreement that you don’t sleep with anyone for a year, sorry but you must know that’s not realistic.

I honestly think it is realistic. I'm not interested in forming a new relationship. All my extra headspace is going on how we are going to do this with as little disruption to the kids as possible and on making new friends...which so far are all other mums.

I don't think he's looking for anything.

i Agree for you but honestly my lovely, not for him. He’s building a whole new life which doesn’t really involve you, why wouldn’t he? But if you want to believe that it’s up to you. Wish you well x

He will not wait a year and a half and nor should you.

Go out and get some

Who is looking after the small children when he's out several times a week?

Honestly you would be both better off not making a commitment about dating. It’s unrealistic. Just agree to be discreet.

@LemonTT I can barely cope with him having a better social life than me when we live together so how on earth would I cope with him dating?

so how on earth would I cope with him dating?

You don't have that choice.

Also due to you agreement he's not going to tell you.

Do you do things just for you like go out to the gym/for a run/whatever regularly in the evenings without the kids?

I go to Pilates once a week. I see friends at the weekend with my kids. I go out in the evening maybe once every two months. Occasionally I'll have a friend over in the evening when he's out.