Hi all -
I‘m trying to come to terms with the fact that I was in an abusive relationship and have been seeing a therapist. It was very hard as I always thought he was my rock and he did so many lovely things for my daughter and I but the last few years of the relationship, he became unbearable. When I read the different types of abusers on the freedom programme, they sounded much more extreme than him so I just want to confirm to myself this was still abuse. I left a year and half ago.
Here are some of the memories that are popping up:
he would make fun of me in front of family and he eventually wanted us to move away, even though I said I wanted to be near my family. The jokes would be put downs such as ‘she can’t do anything!’ Etc. or saying I have a beard. Humiliation basically.
he made fun of all my family behind their backs and didn’t seem to like any of them. Said they are all weird and needed to unclench.
if he made racist ‘jokes’ in front of my child, I would have stern words with him. His answer was usually that I needed to unclench and they were just ‘navy jokes’. She is from a mixed heritage.
once my daughter turned a teen, he switched and would make jibes at her every meal time such as ‘oh here comes the happy parade’ or have a go at her for her moods. The more he did this, the more she retreated to her room and didn’t interact with us (she’s so much better now and I’ve apologised to her so much).
he would make constant annoying sounds over and over and would enjoy annoying us with it. If we asked him to stop, he would say it’s his autism with a smirk on his face. (He was diagnosed with autism in the last year but loved using this as an excuse).
He paid me about a quarter of household contributions even through he was earning more than me and had a big savings pot. He said he shouldn’t have to pay for second bedroom for step child. Even though he loved being her father figure when she was younger.He would sometimes see my cry with the stress of making ends meet.
He would enjoy making me jealous and park his car near some stables where he befriended some horse ladies and enjoy seeing my reaction when I drove past.
his stuff would be lying all over the house and if I tidied something away he couldn’t find, he would pace back and forth saying ‘no fucker gives a shit about me’
the car was nearly breaking down in the motorway, he was shouting all the way home and swearing for hours. My daughter wasn’t there thankfully. Not directly at me but I was very scared.he then became cross that I wasn’t showing him any sympathy and just sitting there passively
the night I told him I was leaving he threw jeans with a belt at the wall and told me I hope you’re fucking happy with yourself
If someone shouts now, I get very triggered
there’s so much more but these are the initial memories. Can someone please clarify this was abuse or has similar stories to share. I think I’m only just able to face all the memories now.