Is it me, do I not just love him?

[PainfulAnkles]

So, bf and I’ve been dating almost three years, lived together little over a year. And he asked me about a week a go if we should get engaged and would I like to go see rings.
And now I’m scared shitless…

For sake of where I’m coming from he’s my first boyfriend, first everything actually.
I do have depression/anxiety, so maybe these numb things for me.

Thing that really has made me wonder if I love him is that everybody loves him, they really fo.
I’ve gotten many comments ftom people in both of our lives what amazing guy he is, he’s a good one, I’m lucky.

(First question; are these just standard pleasantries that I’ve taken too seriously?)

But, and this may make me sound like a bitch, but to me, he’s just a man, He’s not horrible, but I just don’t see what others perhaps see.

I like being with him, but I’m not sure if I can love, I’m not even sure what love is if I’m honest.

I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about these things. I’m I stealing his time?

Most people don’t marry their first relationship partner (and that’s even when they know they love them) and there are good reasons for that. Usually our first relationships happen at a pretty young age and at an age when we’re still growing and changing a lot. It is also valid to want to experience and learn from other relationships before deciding what works for you long-term.

You haven’t stolen 3 years of his life. Plenty of people date for a few years and then part - 2/3 years in can be a crunch point because, unless you’re very young, you would generally know then whether or not your relationship can work for you long-term. If you’re not feeling excited about your BF now, then it would be a huge mistake to get engaged. He may be a lovely guy but if you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it.

As for what other people say: I don’t think that’s just being polite. They most likely mean it. But that’s not a reason to marry the wrong person.

What is your own parents' marriage like?

Sorry, OP: posted too soon (pressed post when I meant to press edit) - are your anxiety and depression being treated? They probably do have a bearing on how and what you feel.

Doesn't sound like you love him.

I think it'd probably be good for you to talk to a counsellor and sort out your feelings.

Fgs don't continue down a path of ever more commitment with the guy because other people think he's great.

are your anxiety and depression being treated?

Yes, I see therapist every other week and I’m making progress, but it’s slow and also dealing with the all the stuff that came up from the past now that I’m learning and getting into more root of the problems.

What is your own parents' marriage like?

Still married, but honestly, it’s dead and both of them are in denial.
No abuse, cheating, drama, no problems with alcohol or money, they just don’t communicate and push down all their emotions (reason why I grew up to be ’mentally ill’)

And also, it’s my first relationship, yes, but I had a very late start, I’m 29.

How old is your boyfriend?

He’s also 29.

Just checking there wasn't a huge age / power imbalance.

"But, and this may make me sound like a bitch, but to me, he’s just a man, He’s not horrible, but I just don’t see what others perhaps see"

I think this makes it sound like he isn't the right man for you. Its great he has many lovely qualities, but I think perhaps they aren't the right things for you?

For such a big potentially life long commitment you shouldn’t be having doubts like this if it was right

Hi there .
don’t be concerned but don’t discount looking into possible female autism presentation for yourself. Some of what your saying has stood out to me.
best wishes x

It sounds normal tbh. You think he's just a normal man, well he is, everyone is. No one is perfect/a god/'the one'. No one thinks that about their partner.

Not to say that you have to stay together and get married.

“"But, and this may make me sound like a bitch, but to me, he’s just a man, He’s not horrible, but I just don’t see what others perhaps see"

I think this makes it sound like he isn't the right man for you. Its great he has many lovely qualities, but I think perhaps they aren't the right things for you?”

This, too. These other people who think he’s great wouldn’t be the ones marrying him. It sounds like your emotionally stultifying childhood has left you out of touch with or just plain scared to have feelings. Unwrapping that is slow work but you’re only 29 - there is time to do this work but it’s not a reason to stay with someone you don’t feel excited about. That’s not fair on him.