Thoughts about breaking up over distance….

[mrsdoubtfiring]

“Catchy title about not seeing a future”
Opinions please…..
ill do this in bullet points out of ease of reading, not for lack of emotion

Mutually agreed that we are good for and compatible with each other in communication, humour (mostly), physical attraction, intellectually, sexually, politically, in monogamy, compassion, empathy, have complementary skills. We dance well!!
Due to offspring we have not lived together but have been frequently together in each other’s places and elsewhere.

A bit over an hour distance for the first two years, but now two hours due to work move.

Every day when not together (which has been More frequent since the move) we talk daily.

Despite the frequency of being able to spend more time together now possible, this situation will have to carry on for probably another four years. The most we’d probably get is a third of the time together during that period.

one of us believes that not being able to have continuity of living together for sometime is “a waste of life”. The other contends that the benefits of all pluses will not be bettered by proximity.
thoughts?

How long have you been together?

How old are your DCs?

2.5 years 18,20,14

It takes 2 to be in a relationship, if one doesn't feel it's worth it, they don't need the other's permission to end it.

Straightforward. Thank you

Is it the logistics of the distance that is making living together seeming more attractive or actually wanting to be together full time?

Wanting to live together full time

I’m also in a long distance relationship, over 3 hours drive. No prospect of moving in together for many years because of child and work issues. We only see each other about 6 nights a month, a bit extra for short holidays etc. Like you, we completely trust each other to be faithful and we get on very well.

I am struck by your phrase - “a waste of life”, not moving in together. You seem to have a fantastic relationship and so much in common. A third of your time together personally seems to me a lovely balance, especially when you have three children whose lives presumably are better not to be too disrupted (I’m very happy not to live with my partner as I do not want my son’s day to day life to change).

There are lots of pluses to living apart - sex life remains exciting, less mundane/ functional conversations. Being very appreciative of the time you spend together. If it feels worth less somehow, than living together full-time - is that partly just because of society’s expectations - that any committed and worthwhile relationship should be on an escalator to ever more mingled lives?

My own experience is that I initially felt like this - if the relationship couldn’t “go anywhere” for years, ie living together, it was less valuable somehow. I have now decided to accept my relationship for what it is, and enjoy the many benefits of living apart. It’s not easy to find someone with whom you are compatible and I think your relationship sounds worth hanging onto.

Thank you for your time. We may work it out and one of the most important things for me from plenty of trying is that to find that level of compatibility is scarce