Advice please

[Kaylbxo]

Opinions please

So me and my now ex bf were together 6 months, I have a little boy (3) that he took on, we’re only 24&23. I’m his first girlfriend too…

Last weekend, he went to his mums for the week, because of stress at work and then home stress, that was okay,no contact 2 days and then I left it and I let him know on messages I was here etc

Few hours later later, says he loves me wants to figure it out but still needs some time and space.. okay also fine

Spoke all week, not normally but felt the spark was getting there again. Made plans to see each other on Sunday..

Sat 18/12 he disappears for hours,(convinced he was seeing someone else at this point but )
aka with his mum and training, messages at 9pm saying he doesn’t think it will work that he loves me and will always love me and son, says he wants to be alone and that he can’t explain what’s happening in his head and it’s not fair to me, said we aren’t right together because it’s been hard

Okay so his mum spoke to me last week said it should be easy etc, it’s a relationship, no it shouldn’t, she’s also never liked when he’s stayed with me.. she’s a bit attached still.

So most of the wording on his messages were similar to stuff she had said to me personally..

I’ve decided on 3 days of no contact for him to explain himself and if nothing then he will be deleted from existence, photos everything( already deleted his contact) and also explained to him that he needs to collect his stuff tonight after my sons in bed.

Son keeps asking for him. Meant to see Sunday but let him down

My life if a lot to take on but I’ve done it since 21 and I think his mum just babies him too much, he sat while I wrote cards out last night for his family and said nothing

I just need some advice, am I being too kind? I want to protect my child so I feel like I have to just move on.. and not let him have the chance to run away from us again..

Finish it. You shouldn't have introduced your child so soon, and your (now) ex is not ready for the commitment. Don't do this to your child.

First off you only dated six months and you let him 'take on' your son. You need to protect him more. He doesn't need a parade of temporary partners floating in and out of his life. That's not protecting him. Your sex life needs to be separate from your son until it's far more established

Why did you speak to his mum? Did she call you?

Either way doesn't sound like he's ready for an adult relationship. Certainly not one with a small child involved. Doesn't matter if it's his mum babying him or not.

If it's only been six months and he's already sitting on his arse while you take care of his life admin for him, you are well rid. You deserve better.

Okay and I understand 6 months is early, I never left him alone with him ever. I meant take on as in he was a part of his life, unfortunately due to sons dad not being around( abandoned him in January after years of abuse and bullying from him, I stood up to him) whether I waited 2 years would not make a difference to how my son is feeling.

my sons dad introduced his girlfriend within a week and she ended up abusing my son along with her kids, I don’t think I should be judged because one day a month I had to take my son out with us, or because he didn’t make me ditch my kid to see him. and it wasn’t like I just let him in, because of what happened to my son I am very cautious.

yes his mum called me, crying about how she would miss us but also have always felt she tried to push me away from him.

We're not judging you, OP, but your dc is asking after/missing a man he should never have met yet. That his dad also introduced a new partner far too early (and with disastrous results) isn't a reason for you to do the same. Accept this relationship is over and next time, don't let your child meet the new man for at least 6 months.

thanks for the advice. I’ll take it on board, at the end of the day I’m only 24 and my parents have always been together.. it’s still new to me some of this adulting stuff.

To clarify I was not saying it was okay because his dad done it, just that situation made me even more cautions of anyone.
everyone gets a background check regardless of trust.

The meeting was not intentional, and he left when my son woke up, but with Christmas we wanted to do the odd thing together.. that’s my mistake that my sons hurting, and I can accept that.

You shouldn't have introduced him to your son, really??

I'm glad you're taking on that message and not being defensive about your mistake. No harm done here, I'm still learning about life and relationships and I'm a 60year old granny. Your instincts are good, work with them - and you were wise to seek advice. Go well.