Bf is abusive, possibly cheating

[Anontodayforhelp]

I met him 3 years ago. At the time I was living in my ex's house and was trying to leave with the help of women's aid. I thought he was my knight in shining armour, after 3 months of knowing him, he invited me to live at his flat. I thought I'd escaped from abuse...

Everything was ok for 6 months, then he stopped working and started bullying myself and my cat. He started to call me names, fat, whore, stupid, c* and hit my cat to 'discipline him'.

I moved out into my own place, but he begged me to speak to him. Since then he has told me that I'm too fat to have sex with (I agree as I have a thyroid issue and am now size 18, used to be 14). He spends all his time in his local getting drunk and chatting up anyone who's there. I know he flirts with women as he's done this in front of me. He also chooses random women on FB to befriend, although he claims he hasn't got messenger so doesn't talk to them?

He's really messing my life and my head up. I need advice on how to distance myself from this 'man' and how to end the relationship. I feel stupid and weak for letting him back into my life. The thing is, after moving 3 times in 3 years, I have no friends. My family are not bothered about me, they never contact me.

Just get rid of him first the rest will fall into place.

One step at a time.

It will all be ok

You've got your own place now so that'll make it easier. First things first, get your locks changed.

Secondly, find your anger. This beast hurt you and exploited you when toy were most vulnerable. He hurt your poor cat too. He's a monster and belongs in jail and if we're you, I'd report him for animal abuse.

But the most important thing is getting him out of your life. Change your locks and then text him 'We are over, never contact me again. You abused me and you abused my cat. If you ever come near us again I will report you to the police'.

If you have anything of his, post it, recorded delivery to him.

Do not agree to meet in person. You do not owe this violent bully anything.

Delete him off your social media and block him. Do not reply to anything he texts you with. Infact once you know he has read your message, block him on your phone too (take a screenshot of your message though and any replies from him before you block).

If he comes to your home, do not answer the door. If he won't leave, call the police and tell them he is harassing you.

You've gotta be iron fisted with this op. Don't give him qn inch or he will take a mile.

Be aware he may try to use kutual friends against you. Eg: by telling them you qre having a breakdown or some similar shit. Make sure to tell them what he did and why you are leaving g him first (IF they are people you want to keep in your life).

Speak to women’s aid.

sounds like you’ve fallen from one abusive relationship to another. That’s very common, and it’s a very common tactic for abusive men.

Ah forgot the 'no friends' thing. Well that might be a good thing in this scenario. No one else ge can use against you!

You'll make new friends in time. But it's most important to be a friend to yourself. Have your own back.

You need to get rid of him and then stay single for a while while you sort your head out.

You don’t need a knight in shining armour. You’re at risk of continuing to bounce from one abusive relationship to another, which you don’t deserve.

Do yourself a favour - split from him, block his number, get back in touch with old friends. Contact Women’s Aid if you need support, especially with practicalities. Take a look into the Freedom Programme. And don’t get a new boyfriend until you’ve done it.

Good luck OP

What a prick

How dare he

Report him to the police

Change locks

Block on phone and email

Been there it's hell

Never contact him again

I'd echo pps about staying single for a while once you are free of him. Take AT LEAST 18 months before dating again. And spend that time learning to be content in your own company. And reading up on how to spot abusers. Do the freedom programme before dating again too.

I know you are all right. I'm going to have to cut him out my life and be much more careful in the future. Thank you for your comments

I wish I could meet you and give you a hug. I have come out of an abusive relationship, it's so hard to get rid of the attachment. Luckily for you there is no kids involved. I would say go cold turkey, with no contact. First few weeks will be hard, but it wil be worth it. You will start feeling better after that without someone dragging you down

I know its not the main point of your post but I am size 18 and my DP lives the bones of me. Women of all shapes and sizes have loving partners. You've been unlucky in that you met two utter arseholes in a row. Get out of there and spend some time getting to know yourself, please.

If you find it difficult to think of yourself as the most important person in the world, you need to at least stay away for the sake of your cat. You get a choice - your cat does not. Look after him and give him lots of treats and attention for christmas.
Maybe look at starting a new hobby in the new year? Sports clubs will have lots of new starters in January.