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Original poster

Not sure my marriage will survive the energy crisis...

13 replies

SandyThumb · 17/12/2022 15:25

I am totally on-board with saving energy and trying to keep the bills down, but DH's obsession with everything energy related is beginning to seriously impact our relationship. (For context, we are both late 50s, semi-retired, and fortunate to be able to afford our bills, and I acknowledge how lucky we are in that respect)

BUT
he is honestly driving me mad and it is all causing lots of arguments. So e.g.
he is:

  • constantly fiddling with the settings on our heating app - resetting temperatures lower than I am happy about (16c) and switching off rooms if he thinks nobody is going into them (but he doesn't know, so often gets it wrong and I end up with a freezing office etc) He has effectively killed all my houseplants by switching off the heating totally overnight in our conservatory without discussing with me first (previously set to minimum 10c)
  • reducing temperatures and timings constantly by stealth so suddenly we discover there's no longer any hot water when we'd expect it
  • refusing to accept that I am cold, just because his metabolism is clearly faster than mine
  • trying to impose new 'rules' on me and the DCs after he's read a new article about e.g. mould/condensation/ energy efficiency
  • I went to use the shower after him today and the bathroom was FREEZING with the window wide open, and him saying this was the best way to avoid mould.

I wouldn't mind if he discussed things and we agreed them, but it all feels so controlling and sneaky. He has no problem spending money on his expensive hobbies. I would rather just be comfortable in my own home!!

Anyone else having similar problems?

OP posts:
category12 · 17/12/2022 15:31

Think you need to change the password on the app!

The sneaky shit he's pulling where he thinks he knows better etc must be incredibly frustrating and upsetting.

Agree temperature settings and remove the app.

GreenLunchBox · 17/12/2022 15:32

Threads like this make me glad I'm single 🙈

ZeldaOlivia · 17/12/2022 15:34

GreenLunchBox · 17/12/2022 15:32

Threads like this make me glad I'm single 🙈

🤣

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/12/2022 15:38

You need to lose your shit big time. How fucking dare he.

Olsi1009 · 17/12/2022 15:50

I would sit him down and seriously tell him that it is impacting your marriage and how you hire him and that if he wants to micro manage the energy usage/wastage he may well do that in his own house when he moves out as soon as possible.

Would drive me insane. Once you've told him this, change the password on the app, and if he continues to leave the bathroom window open when you need a shower, turn the tap on/boiler off every time he gets in it, so he too can have a cold shower. You're right, if you can afford you should prioritise being comfortable in your home.

Olsi1009 · 17/12/2022 15:51

Olsi1009 · 17/12/2022 15:50

I would sit him down and seriously tell him that it is impacting your marriage and how you hire him and that if he wants to micro manage the energy usage/wastage he may well do that in his own house when he moves out as soon as possible.

Would drive me insane. Once you've told him this, change the password on the app, and if he continues to leave the bathroom window open when you need a shower, turn the tap on/boiler off every time he gets in it, so he too can have a cold shower. You're right, if you can afford you should prioritise being comfortable in your home.

*view him.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/12/2022 15:58

I think you have to really give him a bollocking - it’s both your house and you have to agree this stuff. also point out that if he’s this bored he needs to go bank to work more, or get a hobby, because you are not living with crazy retirement man for the next 20 years.

I would get angry every single time till he stops. You really have to nip this in the bud, because he’s turning into one of those obsessive old men - it’ll be home security and then food waste next.

Go through a list of all the issues and agree an approach. Neither of you should be cold or uncomfortable in your home.

Guidelines don’t matter, it’s what makes you comfortable but I think general NHS guidance is 18c at home with up to 21 for babies, sick and elderly (check)

PrinceHaz · 17/12/2022 16:02

My dp is exactly the same. I think he has some autistic traits and this is a new special interest. I agree that we need to be conscious of the increase in our bills but we’re not poor and we can shoulder more of the increase in cost than dp wants to think we can.

Notanotherone6 · 17/12/2022 16:22

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/12/2022 15:38

You need to lose your shit big time. How fucking dare he.

No, they need to talk to each other, sensibly. 'Losing her shit' will achieve nothing but resentment.

Would it be acceptable for her to be in total control of the heating whilst he was uncomfortable? Of course not. Marriages only work with compromises.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 17/12/2022 16:40

Just talk to him and tell him how big of an impact it's having on you

frozendaisy · 17/12/2022 20:13

Life is too short for this nonsense

If my H tried to make house cold sky sports would be cancelled first.

He has agreed to this.

Merlott · 17/12/2022 20:21

Who put him in charge?!

Tell him to pack it in!

Josell12345 · 28/07/2023 09:06

How long have you been together? Has he always been like this or changed recently? Is he listening to you when you tell him What his ott response is doing?

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