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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So anxious about today

12 replies

wowmummy · 17/12/2022 11:24

So basically...
we decided to just be us this yeah for Christmas and booked a cottage get away. Last year we felt we people pleased, dragging the kids away from their toys on Xmas day to see people etc. anyway this caused chaos with my mum. She started to starve herself and not sleep so she could end up in hospital, wanted to catch covid to die, wished I'd told her the night before so she could enjoy 2022, I was kidnapping the children etc.

Anyway todays the day we are saying bye... I've said the kids can open their presents there so we don't have to take them with us. I said Santa visited early at her house as he knows we can't have all the presents at the cottage. She had a dig that my children will never believe in Santa because I've said that

Anyway DH is just being a misery at the minute and is on a job at the moment (firefighter) so no contact/support from him obviously. Any words to ease my anxiety please?? 🤍

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 17/12/2022 11:28

Your mum is manipulating you. Ignore her. Do you actually have to go today? If so keep it short and sweet - 1 present each. Cup of tea. Quick play and off you go. I can understand why you are going to a cottage. Lots of holding your breath today for a few days peace.

mincepiepie · 17/12/2022 11:28

It's a bjt confusing and stressful

last year your mum starved herself because you people pleased? Can you explain what happend?

This year you are going to cottage and your mum is not happy?

Who are you saying bye to?

When do you go to the cottage? When does your DP finish work?

Original poster
wowmummy · 17/12/2022 11:50

Yes maybe one present then is an idea Thankyou

So to answer your questions..

When I told her we were going away this year she said all that about hospital etc

We are saying bye to her as we are going on Monday

Not sure when DH finishes work as all calls are different, it could be a house fire or a car accident or waiting at another station. He can't contact me as there is no phones allowed, they are left in their safes at the fire station. A house fire would be longer than the engine waiting at another station so I have no idea but got to be at my mums at 4

OP posts:
Original poster
wowmummy · 17/12/2022 11:50

Just to add as well she lives with my dad and my sister (26) so isn't alone on Christmas Day or anything

OP posts:
Tannedandfake · 17/12/2022 11:53

Have you posted about this previously?
Completely agree that she’s being very manipulative, trying to control you with her behaviour. I agree with PP that you need to make the visit short.

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 17/12/2022 12:35

Firstly I find it bizarre that the kids think santa leaves presents in your mums house. Just tell them they are from her. This whole pretending santa brings everything is absolutely an alien concept to me.

Secondly you are well shot of your mum going away. What a manipulator.

thewayround · 17/12/2022 12:37

You have posted about your mother in the past.

the consensus was that you need to protect your children from your mother

but here you are again.

You are failing your children by exposing your children to this woman

thewayround · 17/12/2022 12:37

Tannedandfake · 17/12/2022 11:53

Have you posted about this previously?
Completely agree that she’s being very manipulative, trying to control you with her behaviour. I agree with PP that you need to make the visit short.

Multiple times.

It is shocking

Bestcatmum · 17/12/2022 12:42

You are being ridiculous.
Go to the cottage, take all the childrens presents with you, open them there and ignore your mother.
Absolutely absurd behaviour.
Just say some of the presents are from you some from santa.
Your husband must be pissed off with all this fuss.

mincepiepie · 17/12/2022 12:57

I've obviously missed the back story but it makes sense now.

It's not saying bye it's a Christmas visit.

It doesn't really matter when they do their presents. Ask you mum when she want them to open them.

Just ignore the staving threats and covid threats and hospital threats because that is all you can do.

Spend an hour there then home and packed for holidays.

Original poster
wowmummy · 17/12/2022 13:44

Yes I have posted about my mum before but regarding this but today is regarding the anxiety surrounding 'facing' it again.

I have taken a step back etc I promise I have. The last time I saw them at their house was for my sisters birthday - she lives there. So things are very different

My DH realises she is a narcissist parent and the emotional damage she causes (without a care in the world)

Life is less stressful without her

OP posts:
thewayround · 17/12/2022 15:07

Posters on this thread and your others ones have been very clear.

Go NC. Do not subject yourself and your children to tis woman.

I suspect though you won’t do this but you will continue to ask Mumsnet what you should do

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