Support thread for those dealing with controlling ex

[talkingfarm]

I wondered if anyone was in a similar position to me - or would find it useful to have a support thread?

I feel completely battered and bruised and don't really know where to turn or what to do.

I first started divorce proceedings against my ex 10 years ago. We had only been married for one year at that point.

He managed to delay and obstruct the proceedings for a further 6 years.

But finally being divorced wasn’t the final resolution I thought it would be.

Because we have children he has been controlling, abusing, manipulating and harassing me multiple times every day. Whether the children are with him or with me.

Generally 9-13 instances of contact every day.

Over the years I have secured several injunctions against him- however at our last hearing the judge removed them all. He is a very well paid professional and comes across extremely well in court.

The only solution I could think of was to run away yet again despite being fully divorced. And leave my support network, friends and job. He tried to prevent the move. And After a year of battle through the courts myself and the children were granted full permission to move across the country.

That brought us approximately 1 month of peace. But he has now bought a house round the corner. And has secured 50/50 custody of the children.

The abusive has now ramped up a level and he is doing what he can to bulldoze and manipulate me and the children and threatening me with sanctions of breaching court orders.

I feel completely broken. Friends and family have tried to help over the years but they are exhausted and worn out too.

I don’t know who can help a woman who has left an abusive relationship but is still being abused.

My ex continues to be a controlling arse after the divorce in a similar manner. How do you communicate? Can he message etc? I would suggest a parenting app instead. When he refers to you breaching the order in what way does he mean this? Have you breached the order or is he saying he will?

it’s awful he has moved round the corner as I understand the anxiety that causes. What are the children’s relationship with him like?

I thought when I got divorced (which he spanned out over 2 years and drained me of every single penny but it was worth it in the end)

I just feel like I’m constantly thinking what’s next…. I had to report him for a stalking offence at one point!

Thanks @Astrid34

Yes follow some of my injunctions against him I only communicate by text or email.

He still phones on occasion but I realised that even if he phones I don't need to answer.

If he wants something (which is everyday) he will phone DD and harass her till I give her the information to give to him. Obviously stressful and upsetting for DD. Or if she's with him he'll make her phone me.

Kids constantly in state of stress/fear. Plus hear constant manipulation from him so feel conflicted and can rarely say to me they don't like him/don't want to go. Although they do on occasion.