How to reconnect after trauma

[Christinatherabbit]

Me and my husband have been through a horrific year. He's struggled with metal health and addictions and we separated for a few months in summer due to his destructive behaviour.

He really really damaged us both for quite a few years. Long story short he made massive changes and totally turned his life around and is trying so hard to put everything right.

It wount happen over night but right now I really want to support him and need some ideas of a something I can plan in the new year as a Christmas present that could give us some much needed bonding and healing as a couple.

I was thinking a weekend break that would involve a lot of relaxing and bonding. A spa maybe, love the thought of horse riding or floatation tank and just generally being with nature and re connecting. We are In surrey but could travel. Anyone have any ideas?

I'm normally so good with researching this type of thing but I'm drawing blanks.

Not wanting to read and run but bumping for you for now!💜

Thank you so much. I'm struggling a bit with it all at the moment. I just desperately want to feel like the old us is still there if that makes sense? I haven't updated my last post from earlier in the year but that might explain why I'm struggling. Really appreciate the bump ❤️

A weekend break sounds good, some lovely walks and dinners providing pgood talking time. What about finding a hobby to do together going forward ie dancing?

Yes, anything where you get to spend real quality time together where you can forget the world and just chat with each other. Also being in nature. We like camping for this reason: under the stars, no telly to slump in front of, just me and him. But I know it's not everyone's bag! Are there any glamping places with a hot tub near you?

Do you walk, paint, do yoga? Dance?
There are breaks for those.
An activity schedule might help to structure the time, so you are concentrating on something other than 'the elephant in the room'.

Nice towns often have lots available you can plan yourself.
If you went to Chester, for example, there's an excellent zoo, a bird of prey handling event, and you can row on the river.

Centerparcs can be good- the longest one has a great spa. There would be a mixture then. Spa, dome and activities. Lots of distraction, but also privacy.

What about some counselling for you? I hear you saying they you want to do something nice for him, but what about you? You need to put yourself first. I don't think a spa trip is gonna help much. You've not said what he did whilst he was addicted and dealing with his mental health, but you are using the word trauma which suggests it is bad.

Yes to counselling for yourself and plenty of time and care for yourself as it sounds like things have been extremely difficult. Maybe later, say in April, ye could both go on a nice sun holiday..all being well. I find getting out of the country , nice long beach walks, eating outdoors in the warm evenings all very healing and somehow helps with connection.
Remember to keep your own friendships/ hobbies going and do everything that helps you recover from the trauma while your dh continues to access his support systems.
Take care of yourself.