What do you do for yourself?

[Fivesixseven8]

My partner has lots of hobbies and a busy social life, I'm always left at home with the kids. I need to find fun things to do for myself and ask him to look after them. I need to get a life!

Book club, dinner and drinks with friends, the theatre, the cinema, the gym, volunteering, tennis, swimming, the gym…lots of stuff. What do you like doing?

They all sound like fun ideas. I might look at joining the gym!

Gym and then a swim/sauna/hot tub sometimes I even take a can of wine with me lol

go for drinks with friends every so often

The gym sounds even more appealing! 😆

How about a dance class ?

Loads of things (now I don't need anyone to look after the dc) but when they were little, having a particular time each week which is ringfenced for your time out was much easier than something like 'going to the gym' which could always be put off to another time if dh wasn't available. Much better to do whatever it is you enjoy at a fixed time on a fixed day so it is routine.

As to what - that depends what you enjoy.

Well, what do you want to do? What do you like? I climb mountains, run, go to concerts and trad sessions, do tai chi and yoga. But that’s me.

Well it’s simple in that you need your own hobbies and your own social life !

I’ve really only engaged since I became a single mum
and god bless her got a decent babysitter

are you working
what would you like to do

Summing, jacuzzi, sauna etc
See friends for shopping/coffee/meals/walks
Go to the cinema
I have an indoor hobby too.
You need to carve some time for yourself, either/and/or a couple of evenings a week/weekend mornings etc.
Your interests and leisure time are as important as your DH’s. He may make a fuss but you need to claim some time for yourself.

Yes my husband worked long hours and swam every morning- 6am on workdays, 7am on weekends. At one point I started doing art classes and the only time was Saturday for four hours (I would have done them during the week during school time otherwise) so he had them then and I had a good time learning new craft and talking to other people about something other than kids!

We've had a difficult time with our relationship recently. We're working on it now and I'm looking at what I need to do for myself to make it a more healthy relationship. I mean this without spite but he has always worked, had hobbies, a social life, whilst he preferred me to be a stay at home mum. The way his and our children's hobbies have fallen has meant that I only have small windows to fit in time for myself, (difficult to find scheduled classes to fit), and not much money to spend on hobbies, which has left me feeling a bit like I'm the least important person here and my partner finding me bit boring!

I started a job outside the house a few months ago which I've loved. It's seasonal and term time though so won't be back for a while. He was very upset about it but he's now come to accept that it's better for me and therefore us.

I'm off to walk the dog and listen to an audiobook now and leave him with the kids (and his hangover, possibly a bit mean!)

So he was 'very upset' about you having a job? He's either controlling or can't be bothered to look after his own DC. A normal man would be happy for you.

He sounds like a self -centred misogynist.

Grocery shopping. The house is always loaded with food. I have a small obsession with going shopping for food we do not need but I LOVE a good stroll around tesco or aldi.

Aside from that i have a gym membership, I study part time and I read.

He has been a shit and it got to a point where I asked him to leave, not just over the work thing. He has since come back and is trying to work on it. I'm working on myself too. I think I need to have more time to do things that make me happy, like having a job, and make it clear I value my own time and mental wellbeing as much as he does his.

Rather than trying to squeeze some 'you time' in to the tiny space around his and the dcs, you need to start from the other end.
Start from the fact there are 5 evening on weekdays and the 2 full days and evenings at the weekend. So, how are you going to 'share' that time equally.

Of course, if you are at home all day and dc at school (? I don't think you've put ages?) that does put a different slant on things to some extent when you start the discussion.

@UsingChangeofName

Yes I think we need to sit down and decide which evenings are our own and hopefully plan some evenings at home together too. We have 2 at school and a toddler who when I'm not working I'm home with.