Feeling totally worthless

[Rosieholly]

Hi I feel like a worthless piece of scum. My husband has spent the last 11 years telling me to eff off calling me a nut job, c you next Tuesday telling me the kids would be better off without me they are 11. He has cheated I feel he has broken me. He has sent me to a counsellor but refused to go himself. When I start retaliating and called him a narc telling him to get help he threatens to end the marriage saying its my fault I ruin every thing. I feel so worthless I dont know how much I can take. I have no one my Mum isnt here any more

Stop believing him. He is abusive, and it's time to stop feeling worthless. It's not suprising after 11 yrs of his abuse. Are you financially independent? Does he control you in other ways? If he treats you like that in front of your children, they may learn from him. I don't think you can reassert your worth with him. Time to consider leaving him? Thinking of you.

Well you aren't a worthless piece of scum for a start.
He is abusing you.
Do you have a plan for how to get away from him? Can you talk to Women's Aid? You said you have nobody, sorry to hear that. It's good you have posted on here, as people will have some good advice for you.
Sounds horrendous OP. Stay strong.

You are not worthless…he is an abusive c##t!!

HE is the one that's worthless.

You’re a mum and a wife, by no means worthless. Whereas on the other hand he sounds like a bully. This screams mental abuse to me, all designed to make you feel worthless, inadequate and to a degree it’s controlling behaviour to get you to do what he wants and excuse his behaviour.

Most people have little digs from time to time, and irritations that build and then blow up. It’s human nature, none of us are perfect. When it starts to happen over and over again, it’s exhausting and draining and you lose yourself. Part of life is about you, and your needs and what you want, so you need to think about if you’re willing to let life pass you by and put up with it, or is it time to make a stand and take something for yourself. You’re allowed to be comfortably selfish, it’s ok. Ask yourself, is it ever likely to change, am I willingly to live like this and be treated like this?
Before you know it, life will have passed you by. We all get used to certain situations and it becomes acceptable. We make excuses for bad behaviour, because we don’t see what life looks like or how different it can be on the other side. This also isn’t a great environment for kids to be around. It doesn’t sound like he’s someone who will talk or listen. If he’s one of these men who only hears what he wants to, then you’re fighting a loosing battle and you’ll go round in circles, with the finger of blame aimed in your direction. We all need to be happy, and feel loved and appreciated. Know your worth, and take control. Nobody deserves to be belittled or treated with such disrespect. You deserve more than this. Time to be happy and take charge.😊

telling him to get help he threatens to end the marriage

Great, tell him to do it.If his biggest threat is to end the marriage, take him up on the offer. (Unfortunately he is bluffing and you're going to need to do it).

I know you probably just want him to stop being abusive and be able to stay in the marriage, but that's not going to happen.

What are your obstacles to splitting up with this abusive man? You need to get out of this relationship for your own sake, and for the kids, as this is a damaging environment for them to grow up in.

I feel so worthless I dont know how much I can take.

This is your body telling you to do what it takes to get away from the situation. So that you can thrive!

Category's question is a good place to start: what are your obstacles to leaving? They might be practical or emotional, all need to be thought about so that you can move past them!

Thank you