What happened after your divorce?

[Clydethecaterpillar]

I want to divorce my husband.

his rage outbursts and raving and ranting is too much. I went my whole childhood walking on egg shells in fear of abuse, and I’ve realised my marriage is the same

what happens next?

we own a home, I can’t afford the mortgage alone (from a lending pov) rent is extortionate, I probably can’t buy alone, ive no family, childcare is extortionate and I don’t qualify for support because I earn too much (40k)

could I get a handhold as my life is going to get so much worse but I think I deserve at least a shot at being happy.

what comes next after you decide you want to divorce?

we have 2 young children

The starting point is 50/50 but the solicitors will look at each of your housing needs and put the needs of any children first. Often there is a case for the children staying in the family home and the resident parent keeping the property until the children are independent/turn 18.
It’s really tough and a horrible business but you are absolutely right that you deserve a chance of happiness. Id recommend getting some good legal advice. Don’t forget your husband will have to support the children through maintenance payments, which may help with your housing situation. 💐

@Clydethecaterpillar

Did you get any legal advice. I’m divorcing, but children are adult and we have no mortgage, so my advice wouldn’t be relevant to you.

But I know all about the outbursts and ranting.

Best of luck.

My assumptions about what I would need to buy him out of our home were wrong. I managed it but it was extremely tight. Then I got a new job paying significantly more. Somehow I've always managed to find ways to make school pickup and drop off work, which was my other fear. Everyone makes it all work one way or another so don't panic.

I'd say start by speaking to a financial advisor who can help with mortgage options eg longer terms than usual if required. And a good lawyer.

@Clydethecaterpillar if you think your stbx is likely to be a nightmare and make things awkward during the divorce, start gathering information and then act swiftly when you are certain you want to divorce to give him the least amount of time to cover financial tracks. Get evidence of what bank accounts they have access to, balances in those accounts, any debts, what pensions/which companies and balances, any payslips if you see them, any investments etc. Hopefully they will be honest, but never underestimate how deceptive someone can be when they no longer have to appear to be on your side.

Get copies of all financial documents, ie bank statements, credit card statements, savings and pensions for both. Includes mortgage and any other debt.

Get copies of marriage and birth certificates, passports for you and children.

Go speak to a solicitor to find out your legal rights. Talk to a benefits advisor. Then decide whether to proceed now or in a couple of years when you have managed to save more or reduced childcare fees.

Yes you do deserve more. I've only just realised it for myself so I do understand your turmoil. Doing some fact finding helps to make you feel a little more in control . Good luck.