Final straw

[BoredJello]

This week, since last friday, ive been poorly. Even though ive worked at home, after work ive grabbed the kids, gone supermarket and then got into bed as ive felt dreadful. On reflection i should have called in sick. Anyway, i made a comment last night to DH re how little he had done in the evenings. Literally the house was a bombsite. Every plate, cup, fork used and waiting to be washed up. It was more of a joke tbh but he just blew up and went mental. Called me a fucking stupid bitch, fucking slag/slut. How dare i say hes done nothing - hes been work all week dont you know! Told me not to go into the living room where he was because i was a fucking bitch And i can fuck right off!

a bit of background, he comes in from work, sits drinking and formulates a dinner from whatever weve got in, which is usually served around 930pm

is it me? I just cant believe how much he went mental

The kids heard everything, i think the whole street did

I bet this isn’t the first time he’s behaved like this or spoken to you in such derogatory terms

anyone who had an ounce of empathy would have cleaned up and looked after you

you need to end the relationship - you and your kids will be so much better without this abusive person in their lives

Yes this would be the final straw for me. He doesn't sound like he adds anything positive to your life anyway and anyone using those kind of insults towards me once would never get the opportunity again.

Someone who calls you a 'slag' needs binning straight away. There's no going vack from that.

You also need to sit down with your kids and explain that daddy and you are breaking up because it is never OK for anyone to talk to someone that way and so you are leaving him. And that they should also stay away from anyone who is nasty to them because there is NO excuse for it.

What you do now and your kids see, will define mot only your course of relationships but there's to. Do not stay with this angry, mysoginistic man child. Make sure to tell your kids you are leaving because his behaviour is unacceptable and you deserve better and they deserve better too.

*theirs to.

Hoping you can get him out of the house easily/find a safe space for you and the kids soon.

Hopefully the neighbours see him move out too. That way it'll hopefully get around that you don't tolerate abusers.

’Is it me?’ - why would you think this for even a nanosecond???

Zero tolerance for that sort of language, never mind the behaviour.

I say “is it me” because when i got up this morning, i said are you not going to apologise for the way you spoke to me last night and he said no, apparently i should apologise to him. For making out he does nothing. It Just caused him to blow up again so i left the room with him effing and blinding.

Make plans to leave.

Ah ok. You have my sympathies OP. I think you have no choice but to plan your exit from this relationship.

Can you leave OP?

He called you a slut/slag for saying he hasn't helped out? Has he spoken to you like that before?

Tell him it's over and ask him to leave, if he can explode like that over asking for a bit of help it's a step away from him smacking you in the mouth for something minor. Fuck that OP. You and your kids deserve better.

Oh god!!!!! You've got no chance. It's like an ex-partner of mine, who whenever criticised would get furious that I clearly "thought he was a worthless piece of shit" and I'd find myself anxiously trying to explain that of course he wasn't a worthless piece of shit, I just needed him to see this simple thing. We'd just go round in circles until I gave up. Sadly he was great in bed, which kept me going for a long time as I just didn't want to admit how bad the rest of the relationship was!

Life is too short to have to ask for basic respect from another human being, let alone your chosen partner. And life is too short to have to keep talking till you're blue in the face just to try and get them to see the basic building blocks of reality.

2023 will be a fabulous new year for you if you can dump and move on!

his typical day over the last week was - gets self up, ready for work, drives self to work, work full day, drive home, makes dinner whilst sat drinking alcohol watching tv

mine whilst poorly with a bad cold is get up, get two kids up for school (one of which is a difficult teen), sort their breakfast/school lunch each & littlest bag, get both to their schools, me back home to work full day, then finish, go puck both up, grab bits from supermarket, get home, feed them snacks and then get into my bed with littlest watching tv. Then see both into bed later on

washing up all those pots wouldve taken probably 30 mins of his time 🤷🏻‍♀️

its not normal is it? I honestly thought he was going to thrown his dinner plate at me. I was in shock when he called me those names, then huffed off slamming the door

*feed snack and their dinners

It's not normal and it's not nice. Him not doing stuff around the house is one thing, but to speak to you like that is disgusting and disrespectful and just not necessary. I have to agree with the other posters here and think you should start thinking about getting your things sorted and planning for a future that may not include him.
Maybe he's depressed or unhappy but, even if that is the case, it is not OK to speak to anyone like that, certainly not someone who are supposed to love and care for.
I speak from experience, my exH treated me coldly and was often rude to me and unsupportive and I put up with that for far too long.
I began to realise it when I looked properly at the relationships of people close to me - my brother, my best friends - and I realised that what we had was not a happy, functional, supportive relationship.
You deserve better, you really do.

thanks everyone. You are right. Its time things changed

When I was pregnant me & my boyfriend at the time went to a 16 week 4d scan. He wanted a boy I wasn't bothered but when the sonographer said it was a girl he got up with visible anger in his face and stormed out. I made excuses to why he was that upset (in my head) as I followed him but when we got in the car he took another look at the scans and said "she's fucking ugly too".

Please not at 16 weeks babys skin is translucent and mainly all you can see is like a skeleton form but my god that hurt to hear those words.

He then proceeded to screw my scans up and throw them in the footwell of the car he didn't talk to be for weeks after this.

That night I decided he would never have the joy of her having his surname.

My story doesn't end there but that's the night I knew we were doomed to fail.

• My daughter is the most beautiful being I've ever laid eyes on and I know I'm bias but she is perfect inside and out