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Original poster

Am I in the wrong...

45 replies

lalala1234 · 15/12/2022 17:22

Went out for a meal with partner earlier.

Nice meal but we are coming home for pudding. The waiter asked if we wanted dessert and I said no and my partner said "we are going to a party after this so will probably have pudding there but thank you".

Waiter walked off and I said.."what party's that then?".

He's normally very to the point, has no problem with saying no etc.

I pulled him up on it again because I was confused as to why he bothered with a lie like that,and now he's gone mad. Saying I'm being weird and not to bother with him tonight. Apparently he said it because he didn't want to make the waiter feel bad (it's a family run business). He's not normally like that but meh, assume that's the truth.

Now he's trying to say I'm belittling him about it...I literally just asked because it's such an odd thing to lie about.

Am I actually in the wrong here??!

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 16/12/2022 09:52

Forget about right and wrong, and try to understand each other's feelings. Your ego battles will destroy any intimacy between you.

Bookworm20 · 16/12/2022 10:47

Yes I'd find it weird too. Its very common not to have dessert in a restaurant.
Waiter: Would you like to see the dessert menu
Every normal person: No thank you. Just the bill please

Why he launched into a whole party scenario excuse is really odd. If its something he does not normally do, even odder.

YABU though if you went on a bit about it, but then he is U for telling you not to bother with him.

However, I'd definitely be wondering why he was in 'excuse' mode. Its just really weird to lie/make an excuse about something you have zero reason to lie/make an excuse about.

JudgeRudy · 02/03/2023 01:08

I don't think you've done anything wrong in theory....but I'd have to see your face and hear your tone. I'm reading it as you asked him why he said that and he didn't really answer you so you asked again....all outside/away from the waiter. He gave a proper explanation 2nd time which you accepted, then the vibe went odd because he called you weired for even asking. That's where things changed. You weren't being weird, you genuinely hadn't picked up.

Jimboscott0115 · 02/03/2023 02:11

To be honest if you 'pulled him up on it' then yeah you've been a bit of a nob and it was unnecessary. It's a bit parent/child language as well.

He has overreacted by the sounds of it but I'd have told you where to go if you'd questioned such a harmless interaction.

Eyerollcentral · 02/03/2023 02:31

lalala1234 · 15/12/2022 17:22

Went out for a meal with partner earlier.

Waiter walked off and I said.."what party's that then?".

He's normally very to the point, has no problem with saying no etc.

Now he's trying to say I'm belittling him about it...I literally just asked because it's such an odd thing to lie about.

Am I actually in the wrong here??!

Yes. He was just trying to not appear rude to a waiter in a place you appear to go to fairly regularly. I get why you asked him about it but do not understand why you kept going on about it. I would be rightly annoyed if I was your partner, seems like you are looking for a reason to pick at him, are you?

FictionalCharacter · 02/03/2023 03:41

What a weird thing for him to say. Why does he need to make excuses to the waiter? What’s wrong with saying no thank you? That isn’t rude. Waiters couldn’t care less why you do or don’t want to order something. It doesn’t hurt their feelings, they’re just doing their job! Does he make excuses for not having a starter or not ordering wine?

He was acting more like he was at someone’s home, they’d cooked a meal and he didn’t want it to look like he didn’t like their food. That’s completely different. In a restaurant you’re the paying customer and you can order/ not order whatever you want.

Telling you not to bother with him tonight was weird too.

SunflowerTed · 02/03/2023 04:40

You’re being ott about this !

BitOutOfPractice · 02/03/2023 04:48

What do you mean “pulled him up”?

barmycatmum · 02/03/2023 05:37

That’s a super strange, elaborate lie. Why the heck would someone have to explain their plans to a waiter? This would embarrass me to no end.

my God. Utterly bizarre to spin a long explanation that is completely false.

does he lie a lot?

3487642I · 02/03/2023 05:50

How long have you been with him?
Have you noticed him lying before or in other situations?

I would be concerned about someone who lies so easily. It is also a deal breaker for me when someone flips out they way he did. He really doesn't like you having an opinions that differ from his on this topic, does he?

Weirder still that he went nuts to in order to avoid a conversation about a completely unnecessary lie. He know full well he was out of order and this is how he will respond in future when he does batshit crazy things.

Throw this one back.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Bard6817 · 02/03/2023 06:07

you said “no”.

do people sometimes comment that you can be brusque in social interactions? If so - he’s making sure the waiter wasn’t concerned you were unhappy with the meal.

I think you are being unreasonable anyway, your whole time in comments above is off. DH sounds defensive which is kind of worrying.

Rockofages3 · 02/03/2023 07:03

Are you concerned about compulsive lying?

If not, we all say stuff occasionally that trip off the tongue that we didn’t properly think about, felt awkward, distracted, felt under pressure… many reasons why that may have happened.

Why wouldn’t you try to spare his feelings? Did you realise your questions may embarrass him when he may have already been embarrassed and regretting what he said.

What else do you pull him up on if this minor occasion was fair game…

Were you wanting to pull him up because he had done other things that had accumulated for you?

CalistoNoSolo · 02/03/2023 08:04

That's beyond weird, and I would question my partner too on why he would feel the need to make up such an unnecessary bs story to a random he'll never see again. You're definitely not being U here. Has your partner got form for telling lies?

CalistoNoSolo · 02/03/2023 08:07

I'm also suprised at how many posters think it's absolutely fine to lie and make up stories like this.

Aprilx · 02/03/2023 08:16

You “pulled him up on it again”. Totally unnecessary to pull him up the first time. I think he could just as easily have said “no thank you” but there was also no harm in the white lie either and you didn’t need to go on about it and make him feel stupid.

Nimbostratus100 · 02/03/2023 08:18

YABU

he told a small social lie for politeness, and you have escalated it into something, when it was nothing

Sarahcoggles · 02/03/2023 08:38

@JudgeRudy can I ask how you found this thread? I'm always curious when people resurrect zombie threads how they came to find them.

Prego5972 · 02/03/2023 09:14

If he normally tells white lies and feels clearly uncomfortable in socail situations, meaning this is not new behaviour, then you are being unreasonable.
However, if this is strange behaviour for him, as you say he is normally to the point and assured of himself. Then I totally get it. You will feel confused and want an explanation for his white lie and change in behaviour. Its not what he lied about, its not about the waiter, its the change in behaviour.

JudgeRudy · 02/03/2023 12:48

Sarahcoggles · 02/03/2023 08:38

@JudgeRudy can I ask how you found this thread? I'm always curious when people resurrect zombie threads how they came to find them.

@Sarahcoggles
This popped up at the bottom of a current thread I was reading under 'Similar Threads' so I took a nose. It's a common title and a bit of a lucky dip

Littleflowerseverywhere · 02/03/2023 12:51

Weird lie but clearly trying to make the waiter feel it wasn’t them as a business. But I find your behaviour odder. Why question twice, and also using the words “pull him up on it” like who promoted you to the position where you get to tell him he’s done wrong .

so yes, for me, you are in the wrong and not very nice at that moment.

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