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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mum missing baby due to role reversal

2 replies

NovasDad · 15/12/2022 10:30

Morning all. My name is Robert. I am very happily married to Ruby and we have an 11 month baby girl called Nova. Due to ill health on my part and professional qualifications achieved by Ruby, our relationship is role reversed. She works full time and I am a stay at home dad.

This set up has always been 'the plan' for us and has worked very well so far but recently Ruby feels that baby is forgetting her. She feels like Nova doesn't know who she is anymore and only wants me (Daddy).

From my point of view I don't see it like this. Last night for instance when Ruby came home from work, Nova heard her voice and sped across the lounge on all fours to the kitchen to see her. When she saw ruby she shouted and pointed and smiled broadly. Ruby picked Nova up and Nova cried a little. Ruby took this to be a rebuttal and became quite upset. It was then that she expressed her feelings about being distanced from Nova.

I totally understand why she may feel like this and want to support her as best I can. Any advice about how to let Ruby know that Nova is not forgetting her without sounding condescending would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 15/12/2022 10:33

It's not advisable to use real names on such a big forum, I hope you've changed them. Also, you aren't 'role reversed' you're both parenting.

your wife needs to take a proactive role in spending time with the baby and maybe make some rituals and routines that are hers alone - bath, story, bed?

ohioriver · 15/12/2022 10:40

Why have you posted this twice?

And using RL names is ill advised

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