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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Drunk or too drunk for sex?

29 replies

recoveringyoungalco · 14/12/2022 23:43

As my name suggests I am an alco. I bought drink today DH threw it away which pissed me off so I bought more. I got drunk and woke up to him having sex with me. So AIBU to think if me drinking pisses him off how does he find it attractive enough to have sex?

OP posts:

Original poster

recoveringyoungalco · 15/12/2022 10:25

I went my whole pregnancy sober and I often go months sober too. He doesn't act like that when I am sober. I go to AA, I am way to honest with my GP, I've been to rehab.

I know what made me want to drink yesterday and I still did it, I was contemplating sending a Christmas card to my father to let him know he has a grandchild I haven't spoken to him in about 5 years. Like normal ppl don't drink because of that!!

I'm here looking at my DC thinking wow you are perfect. I have 'everything' but for me that clearly isn't enough.

I still don't think DH raped me, I would have agreed, maybe I did.

OP posts:

gliiterryballs · 15/12/2022 10:27

I still don't think DH raped me, I would have agreed, maybe I did.

You were asleep?

He raped you. Stop defending him and get some help for your alcohol problem and support to leave this vile man.

Naunet · 15/12/2022 10:28

recoveringyoungalco · 15/12/2022 00:07

We have DC if I leave he will get them. He has told me that I am unfit because I drink. I can never leave my child.

I have been thro abuse, this is not abuse, he gets annoyed because he loves me

No, this IS abuse. I was sexually abused by my own father as a tiny child, so I’ve been through abuse too, and this, this OP is rape and abuse, you just can’t see it, you have a blind spot. He’s an evil man and the fucking useless police (who have been in the news yet again today for the misogynistic way they deal with rape) were absolutely wrong. I’m furious for you, you need to escape this situation, and I do understand that’s not easy considering your children and circumstances.

Do you drink every day? I think the first step might be quitting, which pains me to say because it should be getting away from your rapist, but if you can stop drinking, you have far more chance of keeping custody of your children. Is he really likely to even want them, or could it be an empty threat to stop you from leaving? How much parenting does he do with them now?

category12 · 15/12/2022 11:16

recoveringyoungalco · 15/12/2022 10:25

I went my whole pregnancy sober and I often go months sober too. He doesn't act like that when I am sober. I go to AA, I am way to honest with my GP, I've been to rehab.

I'm here looking at my DC thinking wow you are perfect. I have 'everything' but for me that clearly isn't enough.

I still don't think DH raped me, I would have agreed, maybe I did.

It doesn't matter what "normal" people do at difficult times, OP - sorry, but if you're an alcoholic you can't afford to take that option.

If anyone is incapacitated by alcohol, they can't give meaningful consent. You don't have to call it rape or view it as that if you don't want to, but I don't think he's doing right by you to have sex with you when you're drunk, (especially when it's meant you've been injured previously).

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