i was a single mum (divorced/left for another woman) and have been in a relationship with someone for about 6 months. The first few months were intense. I said I only wanted to date but he was keen for a relationship. In the end he won me over. Lots of phone calls every day, declarations of love etc. the last couple of months have been quieter. I feel like I’m starting to be the one who makes all the effort. I’ve never been to his house or met his family. He stays at mine and has met my mum. We were out in the pub one night and he tells me he thinks my friends husbands probably knew about my ex husbands affair (as my ex husband and friends husbands are still friends after our split) and that I was naive to think otherwise. I got really upset by this as my friends husbands are actually my old school friends and i highly doubt that. Bear in mind my partner has not met my friends yet. He also knows how insecure I can be at times so saying that seemed particularly cruel. I got upset and he got defensive. I lost my rag and I told him to go home. So we both left the pub and went separate ways. I had my glasses on in the pub and left them on the table. I spoke to him the next day and he said he didn’t want to talk. I also told him about my glasses and he said he checked his pockets and they weren’t there. I apologised for how the night ended and explained what he said had upset me. He said he needed to think. It was me doing all the apologising and grovelling. I asked is it over, and he said he was ‘very close’. It’s been 3 days and all I keep getting is ‘I haven’t made my mind up yet’. I said he’s being cruel leaving me not knowing if it’s over and he said ‘I’m not, I haven’t made my mind up yet, cheer up’. Over the course of these 3 days he has kept asking about my glasses. ‘They’ll be in the house somewhere’ ‘I’ve checked my pockets’ ‘go to the pub’. I did go to the pub and they didn’t have them. He has then repeatedly said ‘go back to the pub and check’. Anyway - I went and they are still not there.
The minute I texted him to say I’d been back the pub, they’re not there - he messages me to say he’s found them in his pocket. So I asked did he have them the whole time and he seemed agitated asking why would he do that. So I said i would have thought he would remember picking them up (he wasn’t drunk, I was). He said he checked the wrong coat.
I don’t know if I’m going mad but I’m wondering if this is some sort of red flag for gaslighting? He genuinely may have checked the wrong coat but the fact he kept asking about them seemed odd (before I knew he had the glasses). The fact he couldn’t remember he’d picked them up seemed odd. Leaving me hanging for days on end not knowing what’s happening isn’t right either. He’s 52 and has had a fair few relationships but never married and never had kids. I’m starting to wonder if behaviour like this is why???
im just posting this on here because I don’t want to talk to my friends and family about it incase I’ve got the wrong end of the stick and they judge him before they get to know him. Does anyone else have any similar stories or experiences?
im not sure what to make of it all. Having been cheated on has left me incredibly cynical and insecure and I worry that clouds my judgement on things.