What would you do? H's ex wife ranting to me about me.

[MrsVeryIrritated]

My H's ex wife of 5 years has messaged him a rant because of something that I said on a family group chat ( she is not inthe chatbut my SD is and she told her I said this and showed the chat to her). The ex wifehas never met me or spoken to me. Does she think i am controlled by him? Or is it that she was verbally abusive to him for years and he takes it? What I said was a statement that
my H was not home as had to bring and unload something bulky from her house into our outhouse connected to the daughter after a lengthy 8 hour journey in the snow. The other relatives had been asking where he was and I said this. There was no 🙄 or any criticism. It was a statement of fact but this has been relayed to the ex wife resulting in this rant. Why does she not contact me direct? What would you do? Ignore it? Message her ? Any thoughts please as it has made me so angry.

SORRY _ ranting to my H and not me!!!

Tell your H, his ex and the SD to mind their own fucking business, you can say what you want when you want to whomever you want. Do not be a pushover to this bitch. If your H does not back you up dump him.

Has he replied? What did he say? He hasn’t helped anyone by telling you. Definitely don’t message her, just be glad you’re not her and shrug it off. She doesn’t know you, who gives a toss what she thinks of you? It’s horrible to think anymore’s bitching about you but this is her issue, not yours.

She wants to get a rise out of you, and DH, so don’t give it to her.

Ignore.
Her rant says everything about her.
And if he hasnt replied already your husband should simply ignore it too.
Do not reward bad behaviour.

Ig nore. She's ranting to DH, he can deal with her.

Is your husband correcting her and shutting down the rant? If not, you’ve got a problem-with him. There was no need for him to relay to you something he should have shut down.

Don’t do anything. She will get bored.

Not exactly the same since I wouldn’t date a parent, but if someone was ranting about me to someone else, over nothing I’d be angry. I’d tell them to speak to me directly, if not, to not mention my name again. I have zero time for whiny, theatrical people.

Did he reply ?

He hasn't as yet. He has fallen asleep 🙄

Thanks, you are all right that it is her issue. My problem is that I hate people being unfair to me so I get this desire to lash back.
The other thing which is on my mind is that I have to see my SD soon - best not to mention it? I've always felt she just tolerates me and this had now made me think she actively dislikes me.

Just ignore it.

But why was she ranting - what was the rant about?

Why did he show you? What was the point of it? He hasn't dealt with it... you are now very angry and it made the relationship you have with his daughter quite fraught.

So what was the freaking point of it?

That I should not have mentioned the fact to the family that H was doing something for her.

There kind of was an implied criticism there though, you’ve made it sound like your H has been put out, having to lug something bulky around for his ex/SD, pointedly adding the detail that this was after a lengthy 8 hour journey in the snow.

I doubt everyone in the WhatsApp group really needed that detail, and your SD and her mum have clearly seen it as a dig at them.

There also was no need for your DH to show you the message, that just seems like he’s stirring the pot, especially as he’s now happily fallen asleep and left you seething.

I heard him say OH FGS or similar and he said EXW is ranting now and I forced him to tell me what it was about.

I told them as they were asking where he was and why out at that time of night.

So your H wasn't home because he was doing something for his daughter?

Why did you bring his ex into it? Do you think she should have transported the bulky item? Did you imply his involvement was unnecessary or that he was doing it for his ex rather than his child?

It does sound resentful. And your SD might well think your resentment is about her dad doing something for her. Because your DH seems OK about it. And her mum seemed OK about it. It's just you.

You could've just said 'he had to collect X from SDs and put it in the outhouse so not back yet'.

The added detail did make it seem like you felt heavily imposed upon by this.

It's immature of her to rant at him and an overreaction but your way of relaying the facts wasn't absent of any negativity.

She’s allowed to be negative if that’s how she feels. This woman isn’t on the chat. SD either isn’t old enough to be on a WhatsApp group or she is old enough not to be snitching. DH needs to ignore his ex.

Give her a black eye

Ignore it.