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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is my ex coming back?

24 replies

Lonergal · 14/12/2022 14:56

Is my ex coming back? We broke up a month ago cos he cheated and going through depression. he said he doesnt deserve a second chance.

I still text him 2x a week for closure and he seemed annoyed and said that were done and has lost feelings. But few days ago he finally opened up about his issue with me and misunderstanding in our relationship.
he said that I seemed to not understand how hard life is for him right now. Like I was insensitive. That may have led him to seek attention somewhere else.

Hes been ranting about life for the past 2 months. He just graduated and he went abroad to find work. He ended up at a housekeeping job which he despises. Maybe he got a wounded ego. Cos in his home country he is a pilot. I have always been there for him to cheer him up but maybe the stress was too much for him.

I apologized to him for making him feel that way. I then told him that I understand his situation and to focus on his healing. He then said, “let me be for now. Thanks for everything”. Is there still a chance? Cos he said “for now”
But I stopped messaging already after I apologized

OP posts:

minticecreamisjustok · 14/12/2022 15:14

He will be doing you favour if he doesn't. I think you need to spend time away from him, stop messaging and give your head a wobble to why you would allow him back after he's cheated and told you he has no feelings for you. Depression is no excuse for his behaviour.

Let me be for now - I translate as I'm not interested for now but I might come back to cause destruction in your life when the other woman has got fed up and dumped me.

SirDavidAttenborough · 14/12/2022 15:19

Why do you want a cheat back?

frozendaisy · 14/12/2022 15:21

I would assume not and carry on with life.

Autumntimeagain · 14/12/2022 15:23

You seriously need to raise your relationship bar !

He cheated ffs !

He's not adult enough to have a conversation about being unhappy in a relationship, so he just buggers off and shags someone else !

And now he's blaming you for it ???

No way would you want a selfish, egotistical and immature prick like him back in your life !!

Stop contacting him at all and block him on all phones/email/SM for heavens sake.

You will never get 'closure' from him, you need to find it yourself by realising that you were NOT to blame for him whipping out his penis and shoving it into someone else ! HE is !

And YOU deserve better !

Newwardrobe · 14/12/2022 15:24

You really need to stop messaging him and move on . It's not easy though, I know.

WhineWhineWINE · 14/12/2022 15:25

So it's your fault that he shagged someone else?

I'd let this one go and call it a lucky escape.

Pansypotter123 · 14/12/2022 15:26

Like I was insensitive. That may have led him to seek attention somewhere else.

You do know that you aren't to blame for him cheating don't you? You really aren't, in case you were in any doubt.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 14/12/2022 15:51

He's played this well hasn't he. Cheats on you and still managed to get you basically begging for him back and apologising to him like you made him cheat! I know many depressed people that manage to keep their dicks or vaginas to themselves.

Now he gets to go around being single having fun while he's giving you enough to know you're hanging there on a string for him if he decides he wants you. I'm sure if he decides he can't find anything better and wants you back you'll be so grateful you won't care when he cheats again. After all he will just convince you it's all your fault again.

Get some self respect and block the bastard.

altmember · 14/12/2022 15:59

So it's your fault that he cheated, how are you going to make sure you don't cause him to do it again?

Seriously, this bloke is a complete prick and you're better off without him. As if the cheating wasn't bad enough, trying to pass the blame to your partner is lowest of the low. You'd be bonkers to take him back now.

Pansypotter123 · 14/12/2022 16:05

PS: he's probably lying when he says he's a pilot.

Facecream · 14/12/2022 16:10

He’s a pilot?? Yeah tell him to fly away permanently

ChristmasJingleBalls · 14/12/2022 16:12

For goodness sake leave him alone.

Firstly he doesn’t want to be with you.
Secondly, he cheated (which is not your fault). Have some standards.

whattodo1975 · 14/12/2022 16:15

Block.

Opentooffers · 14/12/2022 18:08

You a clutching at straws. I'd say "let me be for now" is a beg to please stop contacting me and give me space, which does not mean at all that he wants to come back. However, if you carry on talking to him when he's asked you not to, he may well end up blocking you.

StarDolphins · 14/12/2022 18:13

Please set your standards higher! He cheats but it’s your fault & you’ve said sorry! No!

MintJulia · 14/12/2022 18:17

No.

If he does come back, it will be transitory and will only hurt you. Block him and move on.

Dillydollydingdong · 14/12/2022 18:19

Face it, he doesn't want you. Have a bit of self respect and leave him alone.

Opentooffers · 14/12/2022 18:20

What does closure even mean to you? It should mean getting an honest reply about why the other feels things went wrong. This is what he's done. You have sent him 'closure' requests twice a week for 4 weeks, so he tells you his opinion and you immediately take it that he wants you back, not that he's given you the closure that you asked for in the hope you will stop asking him.
It's rare that you get an honest opinion from someone who has been cheating BTW, they just make something up other than their drive to cheat being the issue.

girlmom21 · 14/12/2022 18:24

He added 'for now' because he knows you'll welcome him back with open arms when he fancies a shag.

Sorry OP.

SaveMeCheezus · 14/12/2022 18:36

He cheated. Have some dignity and stop texting him, why on earth would you WANT him back?

I also smell a rat about this pilot tale though. What kind of pilot? Military? Commercial? Why would he move abroad for work if he had work as a pilot? Why can't he be a pilot here? I know commercial pilots that qualified in the UK but have worked in the Middle East, Asia and America. Somethings fishy.

Theonlywayisup1 · 14/12/2022 18:48

I was engaged to a commercial pilot for 10 years, he was the biggest liar, cheat and manipulative person I know. If he’s already playing games and cheating, how will you EVER trust him when he’s away. Trust me on this one, do yourself a favour and run run RUN away. You’re in for a life of misery if you don’t.

layladomino · 14/12/2022 18:51

Why would you want him back?

He cheated. He blames YOU for him cheating.

He's done you a favour leaving. Don't let him back. Although what he said doesn't suggest he wants to come back.

Pansypotter123 · 14/12/2022 18:57

@SaveMeCheezus
Why would he move abroad for work if he had work as a pilot? Why can't he be a pilot here? I know commercial pilots that qualified in the UK but have worked in the Middle East, Asia and America. Somethings fishy.

Absolutely this...!!

ChrisTrepidation · 14/12/2022 19:24

Why would you even want him back? He cheated and them had the audacity to blame you!

I cannot believe that you apologised to him for the fact he cheated. Wtf? He's a cheating mean spirited arse op. Raise your bar. You shouldn't even be talking to this man anymore. He doesn't deserve it.

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