I will try to make this as short as possible but there is a lot going on. This is also probably going to sound devoid of any emotion and like I don’t have any sympathy for them – I really do, but I am just so exhausted with constantly being dragged into it. Fil is an alcoholic and has been for about 20 years, he won’t admit it and is in complete denial. I didn’t know when I met DH, it had all been kept secret and I only found out the true extent of it a few years ago. He is mentally and verbally abusive to Mil. He calls her all the names under the sun, tells her she’s the reason he’s drinking as he hates life with her, hates his job etc. He is awful to her and I don’t know how she puts up with it. He will never do this in front of anyone else, he hides it and pretends he's lovely
She used to keep it a secret, but now she is open about it and won’t lie for him which he hates. Last year he wrote a suicide note and then got in his car after drinking a bottle of gin. Obviously she called the police due to the suicide threat, which resulted in him losing his licence as he was 5x over the limit. He blames this on her and can’t accept that it was his own fault. He has refused rehab, counselling, AA etc and just says he doesn’t have a problem. They split up earlier this year and she was doing really well on her own, she found a new house and was enjoying life, but then she let him move in after about 3 months and now things are back to how they were before
DH would forgive him for anything and I don’t know how anyone can sit back and accept their mum being treated like that by anyone. It’s really starting to interfere in our relationship as she will call him crying in the evening when she’s come home and he’s drunk again, or she’ll turn up on our doorstep with no warning. We have to drop everything to support her and listen to her crying about what he’s done or said this time, but there’s only so many times I can sit and listen to someone crying about the same thing over and over again, he’s called her a slut or a slag or said he wants her to die etc, but still accepting it and putting up with it. 3 days ago she was saying that she’s leaving him and wants nothing more to do with him as he’d been drinking all weekend and being verbally abusive, today they’re acting like it never happened and sending us photos of them going out for the day together. I have no respect for him, I think he’s an absolute twat and I would be happy to never see him again, but it’s hard to avoid him when DH still wants him as a big part of his life. I already try to have as little contact with him as possible. I know he is never going to change and this is going to be who he is forever, I’m just wondering how to cope and switch off and stop it ruining our own relationship as all I want to do is run away to never deal with any of the drama again