Should dp help out more when I'm poorly?

[CherryBomb87]

So, dp when dp is ill its all "I'm going to take a nap", "do you mind if I have a bath?" "I'm going to sleep in the spare room to get some proper rest". (away from baby). All of which is perfectly fine...

When I'm ill, and I mean properly ill, I'm just expected to look after the kids and he wants a massive pat on the back for watching them for an hour or taking them out (which he'd be doing anyway!) - meanwhile, I asked him to get up to do the baby feed one night and today it's, "oh, I'm so tired, oh I think I need to find a way to get some rest" but with a healthy dose of - but I know you're ill, I guess I'm just going to be tired for a while, nothing can be done about it.

Obviously I've said just get some sleep, I'll watch the kids like always because frankly, that's easier than dealing with this drama constantly.

Am I expecting too much as a mum to just be able to sleep one whole night, without getting up once when I'm ill?

No but I'd be saying all of that to him OP. Why does he get peace to be ill and you don't. Make him answer you and tell him not to dare expect any special treatment next time he's ill himself.

I can't be doing with partners who don't look after their OH when they're ill. It's a 2 way street.

You’re not expecting enough OP. That’s the problem, stop enabling his lazy excuses.

You shouldn't told him to get some sleep. You should have just said yes you'll have to be tired for a while and got some rest yourself.
Of course it's not unreasonable to expect him to get up when your ill but if you give in to him so easily then he knows he can take the piss. He's obviously incredibly selfish and self centred.
Next time he's ill make him do things because you are too tired. Or just tell him I'm ill you are looking the children. Don't ask him, tell him!

There’s no “obviously” about it. Ignore his moaning and just make him do it. Eventually he will moan less.
Otherwise it’ll never change.

I have one like that. His child is ill with the same thing that he has got yet it is i am ill , i am going to bed. He just leaves me with the sick child.

I recently was very ill with a kidney infection and I am in my third trimester.
My DH took over as much as he could. Sent me upstairs for a lie down when he thought I was looking weak and wrecked. He was obviously relieved when I finally was on correct antibiotics and got over the infection, but his priority in the moment was making sure his wife and kids were looked after. If it was other way around I take up the slack so my husband can rest to recover.
If your in a marriage or LTR your are partners and sometimes one needs to take on more then the other. It can be hard, but it’s what you do as equals. OP you shouldn’t even need to ask him to get up with the baby when your sick. It should be automatic that he does it.

You have a twat of a husband. Sorry. Would be so turned off by this attitude.

Obviously I've said just get some sleep, I'll watch the kids like always because frankly, that's easier than dealing with this drama constantly

Well that's great for him isn't it? Likely the desired outcome. He's manoeuvred you into position.

You see, it is your spiritual duty and job to always looks after the kids and be available. It isn't his I'm afraid, so he derveres time off and sympathy when he's ill, but you don't when you're ill.

He's also not looking after his own kids when you're ill either - he's actually doing you a favour and he'll be expecting praise and non-recognition for the fact that he had to go through this inconvenience.

A lot of women find out too late that their husbands are actually self-pitying sexist men who think they deserve a medal for being supportive. Men who think of their wife as a household appliance who should not have the audacity to malfunction on them like a pesky leaky washing machine. I hope you're not in that situation but I've seen these situations so many times on Mumsnet.

What was he like when you give birth? Was he at least supportive then?

praise and recognition*

It’s not help is it. It’s very basic care and consideration for you, the woman he’s supposed to love and cherish, and basic parenting of his kids.

You know he’s being shit or you wouldn’t be asking. Other men might be as useless but it’s not normal. Even if they all were that shouldn’t make you accept it.

He’s not going to change and step up while you pander to his whining. Why on Earth would he?