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Original poster

Mum constantly going on about sister

25 replies

SpinningFloppa · 13/12/2022 18:59

I’m not sure if anyone else has this but does anyone else’s mum constantly compare them to their sister? Especially when there is just two of you, my mum went through a time of referring to my sister as the “slim and pretty one” but she’s constantly going on about how beautiful she is to me constantly, does anyone else’s mum do this?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 13/12/2022 19:07

Yes. As the last of my siblings to go NC with her and the only one to vaguely tolerate her shite, I was constantly told how wonderful the others were. They hadn't had contact with her for years, so that made it an even harder kick in the teeth for me to listen to it. The only time she seemed to stop mid sentence was when I told her what a massive disappointment I must be.
Haven't contacted her in 2 years so happily I don't have to listen to her anymore. Happy days. 🎉

AriettyHomily · 13/12/2022 19:31

Yep. Barely talk now. At nearly 50 I'm well over it.

snowbellsxox · 13/12/2022 19:35

Yes, something I'll never do

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 13/12/2022 19:36

Thanks all I honestly thought I would be told it’s just my mum! She was going on today about how “beautiful she is” saying there is no denying it (she brought it up as she always does)

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 13/12/2022 19:37

I'd be walking out as soon as she started that shit. Get up, put your coat on and tell her she'd better phone your sister and get her round so that she can bask in her beauty, you've got better thing to do with your time than listen to her snidely tell me that she prefers my sister. Be blunt. Be calm. Be out of her life.

Her behaviour is piss poor and should not be rewarded with your company.

Dacquoise · 13/12/2022 19:37

My mother never paid me a compliment or praised me my whole life but she would tell me about other people which, like you, made me feel a bit crap.

However, I was told by others that she would brag about me to them.

I think it was part of her emotional unavailability in being unable to be vulnerable or intimate with others. Coupled with her tone deafness and inability to empathise it didn't make her any nicer though and been NC for nearly ten years now.

Would you gain anything ie self awareness to stop doing it, by calling her out on it? If not, try to see it as a great big fat clumsy deficiency in her 😏

MadMadMadamMim · 13/12/2022 19:38

My DM constantly talks about my sister and how marvellous she is - despite knowing that sister has been so appalling to me that I have absolutely no contact with her and no desire to hear what she is up to.

Dacquoise · 13/12/2022 19:42

Out if interest, have you asked your sister if your mum says this stuff to her? Perhaps she's having her nose rubbed in your good qualities? Divide and conquer my friend!

reallyworriedjobhunter · 13/12/2022 19:45

Yeah. My Mum never shuts up about how great my sister is and how hard she works etc. Has always openly favoured her.

RitaSueandBobtwo · 13/12/2022 19:46

I used to always get comments about how funny my sister was, how she just didn’t care what she said (a desirable quality to my mum) and what a good laugh they had etc etc. She once said in argument that she felt closer to my sister as she was more like her and it was just how it was.

Obviously I was the boring quiet one.

Yet I think she had in the past quietly bragged how proud she is of me and how well I have done for myself. But being funny, being a good laugh and being more like my mother trumps everything in her book.

Minimise contact with your mother to be on your terms only you will be much happier OP. Think in my mothers case it stems from her upbringing and my grandfather used to brag about what one son had done for them to the other siblings to try and get more out of them in a divide and conquer sort of way.

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 13/12/2022 19:47

Dacquoise · 13/12/2022 19:42

Out if interest, have you asked your sister if your mum says this stuff to her? Perhaps she's having her nose rubbed in your good qualities? Divide and conquer my friend!

No she doesn’t she is NC with her

OP posts:
Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 13/12/2022 19:48

She’s definitely not bragging about me to people and her and my sister are Nc

OP posts:
Ijuststoodonlego · 13/12/2022 19:50

Families are funny things. My mum prefers my sibling. I've got used to it and don't attach any emotions to it. I've had a long time to adjust to it. I'm mindful that I can't let the cycle repeat with my own children. My grandparents were the same. Lots of sexism in my family and shitty attitudes in general. Love and peace to everyone in the same boat 💐

Dacquoise · 13/12/2022 19:50

That's interesting though isn't it. Is she trying to ruffle your feathers against your sister with these comments? My money's on creating a divide between you.

My mother played me and my siblings off against each other since we were tots. We're all NC with her and each other. A lifetime of damage inflicted.

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 13/12/2022 19:52

I’m NC with my sister as well, didn’t really want to go into that though but we both don’t speak to her. But she was saying today how there is no denying she is extremely beautiful extremely out going etc

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 13/12/2022 19:52

If she's no contact, how does she know your sister hasn't 'lost her looks'?!!!

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 13/12/2022 19:53

And it’s always been said even before NC she would refer to her to her friends as “the slim and pretty one” in front of me

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 13/12/2022 19:54

My DM did similar. My sister was 7 years younger, had a similar personality as my DM so she was her favorite. It was very hurtful. Even as a 50+ year old, it's still hurts to think of it even though my DM tried to make it better a few years before she passed. It still caused long lasting resentment and distance with my sister however. (me with her, not her with me)

boobot1 · 13/12/2022 20:01

Yes, my sister is my mums favorite. She is fab though, a genuinely wonderful person, I am very proud of her. I'm my dads favorite, we are two peas in pod, another genuinely lovely person, I'm very lucky .

Dacquoise · 13/12/2022 20:04

SpinningFloppa · 13/12/2022 19:52

I’m NC with my sister as well, didn’t really want to go into that though but we both don’t speak to her. But she was saying today how there is no denying she is extremely beautiful extremely out going etc

Which is a passive aggressive way of reinforcing the message that you're less than.

My mother had set roles for us. I was the scapegoat who could do no right to my face. However, to my aunt I was (according to my mother) the intelligent, successful one, compared to her daughter (my cousin) the single mother who left school early etc etc.

There's always a way of getting one over someone else if that's your poison. Words are weapons!

RandomSunday · 13/12/2022 20:10

Yes. My older sister was always described by my DM’s, as “The sensible one”, as well as being clever and beautiful. She could do nothing wrong and DP went along with everything she said.

There were 4 of us and eldest sister was a right bossy cow! She took control over DP’s finances in their senior years. Both DP are deceased now and none of us speak to “The sensible, clever, beautiful one”. I don’t miss her

Whatifthegrassisblue · 13/12/2022 20:19

SpinningFloppa · 13/12/2022 18:59

I’m not sure if anyone else has this but does anyone else’s mum constantly compare them to their sister? Especially when there is just two of you, my mum went through a time of referring to my sister as the “slim and pretty one” but she’s constantly going on about how beautiful she is to me constantly, does anyone else’s mum do this?

Wow, I would tell her it's hurtful and how would she like it if her mother had done that to her. That's horrible 😞 if she doesn't stop I would start to restrict how much I see her

TheSnowWillGoOn · 13/12/2022 20:38

My DM does this and my sister does it to her DC.
When my DC were young I read Siblings Without Rivalry from the How To Talk series and found it so helpful to reset the way I spoke with them about each other.

Now all young adults and they don't have the competitiveness / angst with each other that their cousins do, and which unfortunately that my sister and still have because we regularly revert back into teenage roles established by DM.

Robin233 · 13/12/2022 21:17

I have heard mil sing bil praises.
My dh doesn't care.
He knows he golden boy anyway lol
I feel sorry for bil as I only imagine what mil says about dh to bil.

Wisterialane1234 · 13/12/2022 21:36

When we were kids to about mid 20s yes. Sister was the slim one, the smart one, golden girl who did nothing wrong. I was repeatedly told I wasn't as good, I was fat, mocked for not being as smart, less emotional investment, which my Mum proceeded to tell everyone was my own doing. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy - when I was a teenager I rebelled, which gave her even more reason to be horrible to me and about me to other people.
Funny thing is, it amazes me we now have a relationship. My sister basically has nothing to do with her.

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