Timeline of an relationship

[tedtor]

I haven't dated in ages, well years and years. I've just started OLD and it is very different than what I am used too, so looking for some up to date knowledge.

I understand it's abit of a how long is a piece of string question but anyones real life experiences and stories would be helpful for me.

So from the first message to a committed relationship, how did it go for you?

For me, I'd say
0-3 months - getting to know each other, incl sex.
3-6 months - acknowledging relationship to each other, maybe meeting friends/family.
6-9 months - talking about future plans, maybe nights away, bookable events etc.
9-12 months - relationship should have shifted into a regular pattern and you are part of each others lives but not living together.
1-2 years - setting expectations about a future together.

All the above is open to variables and a lot depends on your age, if you already have kids and how they might be affected.

Some people move more quickly through these stages and others stretch it out. The key is communication and trusting your own instincts, not being pressured to go faster and also not accepting going slower.

HTH

I think it's a difficult one and also age-dependant. I know from friends, the older they are the quicker they jump in and things get serious.

I can't put a timeline on it. It's my feelings that guide me.

And because each relationship/dating dynamic has been different, the timescales have been different as a result.

Thank you! That's very helpful!

This is what I would hope for but then I'm hoping to save myself until marriage this time. I'm mid 40s in case that makes a difference.

1-12 months- getting to know each other as people, see if he's the sort of man you want to marry.

12-18 months- engagement and getting to know each other as people, making sure of each other being the one you want to marry.

18 months + = marriage, sex and moving in together.

Me with DP who I met online after a few years of dating and a few flings. Both in our 40s, dating for 8 months, sort of long distance. I had never really deleted my profile on online dating with flings, just not active or dating much.

month 1 - dating, slept together staying overnight. Deleted my profile as I really liked him. He had too

month 2-4 - had a weekend away and met family and friends defined we were in a relationship

month 4-8 - went on holiday twice and spend ever weekend together. Still go on dates m, keys to our houses. Said we love each other. I thought it would have been a year in before I said this.

month 8 onwards - spending Christmas with my family and planning in next 6 months to move in. I am selling (planned to do this January before I met him) so trialling his house and if good, buy somewhere together. Protects my finances. If goes tits up I can rent and then buy.

dated loads, been single and he is different and I don’t normally move this fast

First message to first date was 6 days. I liked to meet quickly if the messages were going well.

4 dates (about 3 weeks) in we said we’d be happy to be exclusive whilst we got to know each other.

It took us about 10 weeks from the first date to decide we wanted a committed relationship but we wanted to take it slow.

About 16 weeks or so to call it love.

I let him meet family and friends and my DC at 6 months.

About 18 months to decide we wanted to live together. I always vowed never to live with anyone again so this was huge for me!

Almost 3 years in we don’t yet live together due to housing market woes but we are pretty integrated in many ways. I have DC so am happy not to rush this and find the right solution for us all. Fingers crossed in the new year we might make it fully through a bloody house purchase.

I think it really depends on you and your circumstances and what you are both looking for. I initially thought I wanted a relationship for me only. No real integration with my DC or family because independence is very important to me but I think that was because I hadn’t had such an easy and natural feeling relationship before. It just takes the right person I suppose. If I’d stuck to rules I’d have set at the start we’d not be here now so go with the flow if it feels right.

Assuming you have any kind of luck on OLD as it is the pits for many people, it's impossible to day what the right "timeline" is. If you want to be ina relationship, i think you would naturally "drive" it I a particular direction. Most posters seem to want to cohabit/marry etc but if you don't want either of these things, your timeline could look very differently.

I think that if it matters to you what other people's experiences are, you're looking to be guided by external factors, rather than your feelings.

Some people know as soon as they meet their partner. Some date for a while, lose touch for 10 years, then meet again and have a successful relationship. Some date for a year and then decide to commit.

There is no template.

Follow your feelings; after all, 'happy' is what you're looking for, so go where you find 'happy' and avoid all else. Time doesn't matter.