Men who are obvious in finding other women

[Elecktra22]

Attractive. How do you cope with this? I was seeing someone who made it so clear whenever he found another woman attractive. I found that really difficult, I wouldn’t do the same thing to him.
it made me feel so insecure and yet in reality I am probably more attractive than him. He spent a lot of effort on his dress and figure as well.
is this my problem, or do some people make others feel bad?

In what way does he make it obvious/clear?

”Was seeing”?

As in ex?

That is exactly how you ’deal’ with men like this, you dump their ass!

Sounds like a form of “negging”. It clearly bothers you, and you believe you are more attractive than him, so why put up with it?

@PinkParfait by commenting or making an expression, or on one occasion at the swimming pool going completely blank when a girl with nice boobs walked out of the changing room, that kind of thing

It’s 100% okay that it bothers you, or that it’s a clear boundary for you in terms of a relationship.

You (and you alone) get to define what you are comfortable with and what feels acceptable to you. You don’t have to lighten up, unclench or accept what other people, burdened with internalised misogyny are prepared to accept.

We all find people attractive but most of us have the good manners, sensitivity and empathy not to rub our partner’s face in it.

I wouldn't like that at all, OP. It's definitely not a you thing.

You deserve to receive the same level of respect you show towards your partner. I wouldn't dream of deliberately making comments/expressions to my boyfriend when I see a 'sexy' guy, so would expect the same respect in return IYSWIM.

@PinkParfait thank you, that’s what I thought, I wouldn’t behave that way myself and I certainly wouldn’t continue to if someone had pointed it out and said that they found it difficult

I have found that unattractive men are especially prone to this.

Remember in early days of dating DH we were out walking and a pretty woman passed us. I looked to see if he was looking at her (as you do) and he wasn't. I remarked on it and he said, very simply, of course I noticed her. But you don't stare, it's bad manners. I remember being quite reassured by that and have always found him to stick to that (when he's with me anyway!).

Dump them 🤣

oh OP I really hate this too!

My husband has upset me several times by overtly checking someone out. Makes me feel quite rubbish, I also HATE it when men do it to me when they are with their partner.

I always say to my Dh that I don’t mind what he does when I’m not with him but to do it when I am right next to him makes me feel a fool. I understand it’s completely natural to look, and I too, sometimes catch someone’s gaze for a little longer when out alone. But I never do it in front of him, ever.

Men openly looking at other women know what they're doing and it's deliberate. My DH has toned this shitty behaviour down after I told him I was wanting to leave him. I'm attractive, I'm told, but never by him despite us been together for 20 plus years. It's so insulting and depressing.