well was I wrong?

[monkeytrousers]

Will keep it short.

We have each had a settlement of tax credits that were due to us.

I didn't tell DP immedialtly as he is so controlling about money and I am setting myself up to go back to work and wanted to get everything paid for before he objected to me doing that.

So I spent half of me then put the rest into a high interest account for 'us' ie ther family/house and he predictably has gone off on one, thinks I'm selfish and that I should have given it all to give him a month off paying morgage.

I am due to start work in April BTW so he wil get a break from paying the morgage then.

Personally I discuss every penny that comes into our house, but if I needed to spend it on goign back to work, DP wouldnt get a say in the matter, I'd tell him the moeny was coming, and then tell him I was using so much for such and such.

I agree with LVS - We speak about the money but if I have to spend it on something, i'll TELL him that's what MY money is being used for.

hmm well i think he should have had his. especially as you spent half of yours, but expect him to be happy that his has all gone into the account for you all.

he also shouldn't expect you to have given him the whole lot

im not sure it should have all gone on the morgage but i think it was a bit selfish of you to spend half on yourself before even telling him about you could have at least disscussed it with him before youi did it it i wouldnt dream of doing that without talking to dp first

We have three accounts so there are no arguments. He has his, I have mine and we have a bills and emergency account, which is in joint names. I think this works because we both earn, I am, sadly, not a SAHM.

She didnt spend it on herself as in go out and splash out from what I can gather, she spent it setting herself up to go back to work, which he would not otherwise have agreed to.(correct me if I'm wrong MT)

I don't think you were wrong in your circs. Setting yourself up for work (and that includes clothes etc) is beneficial for the whole family.

If dp's controlling about money then maybe its time to sort him out a bit about that anyway. Presume you've discussed it before but how blunt have you been?

We are have been on the verge of splitting up for over a year BTW. He never talks to me about money, never has.

yeah but you must know how you'd feel if it was the other way round? I'd be fuming if dp did it to me, regardless of how controlling he is about money.
at least one of ytou has to try and be open and honest about it all.

Sorry MT that's shit for you.

Still don't think you were wrong. Not because you don't trust him to be okay with your choices but because, money comes into the house and things need to be bought. If you decide that something is important to buy then that's fine. I don't see why it would be necessary to discuss all purchases with partner.

I wouldn't find it necessary and we are a one income family. But we'd probably chat about stuff that needs buying casually, not something that happens for you I realise.

He does it all the time finger woman - his business gave him money to buy a car, supposed to be a family car, last year and he came back with a fiesta and a playstation 3 in the boot! I could see the funny side though. It was his money - problem is, this is mine, but he still feels like I should hand it over to him for him to do as he pleases with it.

To tell you the truth, I'm so glad it was paid into my account - it actually gives me some bargening power!

Yes, VC - I spent it on essential things for work coming up in April which I wouldn';t have been able to do otherwise.

He got a payment into his account too by the way! Tax credits. I got child tax credit.

ohhh, sorry I have completely misread your initial post I think.

I thought that you had both had payments but you had got all of it (his and yours), spent some of yours and put all the rest away.

I do apologise! and in that case think that you were totally right to do what you did

Not to worry - it's helped us see that we still don't trust one another and he has agreed to move out come April. I'm glad, all that remains to be seen is if he actually sticks to his word. I've been asking him to move out for over a year now.