I feel so lonely 😔

[Ridingthewaves19]

Hello,

I feel a bit silly putting this message but I feel so lonely and also down about my life in general. I just dont really know what to do.

I am at an age where all of my friends have now found someone and at least three people I know are now expecting their first child. Marriages and babies are the big milestones currently.
I of course am really happy and excited for my friends but have been finding things tough. I feel like I dont fit in despite still having contact with friends and enjoying time together when we can.

I havent had it easy over the last 10 or so years of my life; i have been in severley abusive relationships and battle a mental health condition. I know this has effected me but I'm not looking for pity or anything. Despite the bad, I hold down a respectable job and rent my own place. I think i am a good, kind, person.

For a while now I cry every night as I don't get why I am alone and things have turned out the way they have for me. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for my job and the things around me but deep down I just want to find my soul mate and have a family of my own. I am getting older and feel really scared that it's just not going to happen.

I occupy myself by staying active, joining clubs etc but there's this constant void. I have always tried my hardest to remain positive but just finding that the little glimmer of hope and faith I have is just fading. Nothing seems to change despite me making changes if you get me!

I don't know what I expect people to say in response. Maybe if there's people who feel the same, I'd feel less aalone. Maybe i need to make some other changes that im not aware of? I dont know. Whatever the case, please do not bash me. Already feeling rather crap!

Sorry you feel this way. Hoping someone wise comes along but in the meantime here are some 💐

i believe you are a very nice person but got unlucky.
also, not all relationships are happy and being alone is better than that.
if you worry about being lonely in the future, would you consider a donor baby or adopting a child, after waiting to a certain age.
i think you are depressed about this situation and i wonder is there anyway to come out of it.

Thanks. Alone used to be hard for me but I realise that it's better than being stuck in a horrible relationship. I think my issue is just feeling like I've been left behind.
I would adopt but fear my m.h would stop that process. From what I've heard it's very hard to adopt. I have thought about freezing my eggs but it is so expensive but would be worth it. It's so hard as when i think about that i then getmore depressed that I may not ever carry my own child and go through that experience. Sorry, I probably seem like a really difficult person!! I feel like my issues are really complicated idk. I appreciate your thoughts and suggestions.

Thanks, that's very kind x

Sorry you are feeling down OP. I have had moments of feeling like you do and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Have you spoken to your GP about possible depression? There are some better dating sites out there, geared towards people who want a relationship rather than a hook up. Do you actively pursue hobbies? Exercise for your mental health, good sleep, clean diet, all the smaller things can help. You haven’t mentioned how old you are but it sounds like you are of an age where it can still happen for you. Try to remain positive and give yourself the best chance of being the best version of yourself.

Id second pp suggesting getting your MH checked.

Are you dating online?

i think you need to speak to your gp about your mh.
when you take steps forward some options will work. dont be scared and think oh it wont happen anyway.
there is always hope somewhere.

I am under secondary mental health services. So being monitored. They don't take my concerns seriously though. I cant go into depth on here but yes GP and others aware and meant to be managing me. Thanks.

Yes, I am very proactive and take up different hobbies and regularly excercise. This is crucial for me as well as eating well and getting good sleep. Despite doing my best I still feel like I do. I recognise it's situational maybe. I always try and help myself but it's when these sorta things don't seem to be working I start to panic! I don't want to distance myself from my friends but have thought maybe I need to also find people that are like me. Which may take some pressure off.

I know this isn't romantic but when I want something I remember the law of probability. If I want a new job, I apply for as many as I can in the hope one is right for me. I would personally take the same approach with finding someone. I would date as much as possible within your limits as I know it can be soul destroying, and the right person will come along eventually.

Hi OP! I didn’t want to read and run because I remember feeling exactly the same as you when I was about 27 and all my friends had paired off and were getting married/having babies. I used to feel so alone and like I was ‘that friend’ that people felt sorry for. Like you I was always happy for people but wanted that security and happiness for myself which I felt would never ever come. Fast forward to 35 and I am married to an amazing man who I met through working in a care home and have a little boy. I know it’s hard but try to keep the hope in your heart because you just don’t know what is around the corner.
I am sure you are a lovely person with so much to give and that person meant for you will find their way to you xx