Am I overreacting?

[Pregnancy2022aa]

Would you see this as a one off thing that doesn’t really matter or would this really cut deep to move on from? I’m pregnant and worried I am being too sensitive.

I had a horrible chest infection last week. It got bad on Tuesday night and I was wheezing in bed. Dp started wheezing every time I wheezed… in a way that sort of took the piss if that makes sense? It was pitch black around midnight and we were in bed. I was too poorly to ask why he was doing that but the following morning I had to go to a and e I was so bad and during the wait I asked if I could lean on him (no seats it was so busy) and he kept moving away from me and wouldn’t stand with me other than at a distance. It was nothing to do with me being ill either as he was quite happy being in bed next to me.

Would either of these things bother you/be serious enough to really affect your feelings in the relationship? He can be cold generally and struggles emotionally but he’s never been like this before.

No, you’re not overreacting. You’re ill while pregnant, ended up in A&E and he couldn’t even comfort you. It’s unpleasant and unkind behaviour and I wouldn’t like it at all. Unfortunately some men can start to become abusive during their partner’s pregnancy as the women is at her most vulnerable, so I would be on alert from now on.

What do you mean he can be cold and struggles emotionally?

@FuckFuckGo is that abusive though? He is sometimes quite detached, not able to express himself well, I am his first relationship and he’s 43 if that adds any context.

As an over-arching thing, not specific to this problem, 'too sensitive' doesn't exist. There's no external guidelines or rules about how sensitive we should be. Some people are waaay more sensitive than you. Some people are waaay less sensitive than you. Are they right or wrong to be who they are, and feel the way they do?

The thing with loving relationships is that if you're feeling extra sensitive, and feeling hurt by things that normally wouldn't hurt you, you'll be nurtured. The other person will be extra careful with you, take care of you, be careful not to press any of your buttons.

He is not showing you love. It's very natural to feel less loving towards him as a result. I'm curious about the cold and emotionally struggling thing; he often doesn't give you the warmth you wish he would?

I think this man was mocking you.

A man who can be cold generally and struggles emotionally is a walking red flag. I would also think he has been like this and has further worsened since you became pregnant. Pregnancy and or birth are two flashpoints for abusers to further exert their power over their chosen target, in this instance you.

I would give this child your surname going forward along with thinking about whether this is a relationship you at all want to remain in (that answer should be no). Do you have family and or friends you can go to for support?. What is your current situation re the property and finances?

Just so sad. I really loved him and feel like he’s ruining our relationship. I don’t understand it at all. I am confused. Usually a confident person with a decent job and quite happy but he has made me feel worthless.

How old are you compared to he?. Are you much younger than he is?

He is 43 and you are the first woman he has been in a relationship with. Did you not think to wonder why that is ?.

As an isolated incident, if he’s otherwise kind, caring and respectful towards you, no I wouldn’t say it was abusive. But from your post it sounds like this might be a pattern of behaviour that is starting to get worse. If this is the case then it does sound abusive.

He will continue to be like this if you remain with him, this is who he is and such men do not change. Abusive relationships are indeed designed to confuse, giving you spaghetti head is par for the course.

Consider giving this child your surname rather than his going forward and put in a CMS claim for child maintenance.

No, you're not overreacting. Mean.

He's gonna be horrid when you have your newborn. Hopefully you will have an easy birth and be up on your feet with no complications.

The wheezing in bed, could be his childish sense of humour thinking you're faking it but when it got to A&E, no seats and he moves away when you lean on him that just is unkind and cold.
I don't think this is abusive but he might have other behaviours or events that were abusive.

That he has the power to do this demonstrates the way you see things/respond to things, in an emotional sense.

Has he done other things that have hurt you, even if not this much? How did you deal with them, emotionally? Did you just see it as him 'having a struggle', and dismiss the fact that he was hurting your feelings, because 'poor him'?