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Original poster

Sex apps

23 replies

blinkingheckthisishard · 11/12/2022 17:25

My husband went out last night to watch the football. I kindly picked him up from the pub at 11.30pm. He was very drunk which is exactly what he always gets like when he goes out.

He's been off all day. Moody and snappy. Grumpy with the kids.

I checked his phone. I know I shouldn't have but I did. And to be honest I do it every couple of months or so.

He'd deleted his internet history. But I checked his emails and saw that he signed up to two online sex apps where you meet people locally for sex. It shows how far away from you they are etc.

So I clicked onto one of the links which automatically logged into his account. He hasn't completed his profile - no picture etc, but had 64 messages! He had read about 4 of them but not replied. No sent messages from what I could see. The messages he read were were sent just after 11pm until 11.15 - when he knew I was on my way to pick him up! Plus 2 messages he read this morning when he woke up - no replies from him again.

He has form for this. I've caught him a few times in the past on similar sites and just before we got married he had a sexcam session which lasted 2 hours and cost him £300! (hence my frequent checking of his phone). He always says it's just when he's drunk. He would never act on the messages etc. But it's the same shit again and again.

Our marriage is ok. Ups and downs. We both have stressful jobs and have two young children. Our sex life isn't amazing. I'm quite vanilla whereas he's a lot more experimental. But we had had sex yesterday morning so it's not like he was desperate for a shag!

He also had a WhatsApp message from the friend he was out with saying that if his wife asks, he stayed at our house. My husbands response was a thumbs up. Which makes me think that cheating on your wife is obviously a usual occurrence!

What should I do? Confront him and listen to his shitty excuses. Or bide my time, keep checking his phone and take pictures of everything I see?

OP posts:
ttc2603 · 11/12/2022 17:28

I wouldn't mention anything yet, go through the phone and get all the proof, take pics and then ask him about it so then he can't try and lie his way out of it. It's completely out of order drunk or not it's disrespectful and disgusting towards you. If he knows you have a problem with this and can't respect your boundaries get rid of him.

TiAmoTiAmo · 11/12/2022 17:43

What's the purpose of biding your time and taking photos?
You know what he's done, he knows what he's done.
Up to you whether this is something you can live with or not.

DatingDinosaur · 11/12/2022 17:43

I'd fill in the rest of his profile for that sex app and change it to him being some busty blonde with big knockers gagging for a good rogering by a bloke with a massive schlong.

I think I'd quite enjoy seeing how his behaviour would pan out ... would he look guilty, ask if you've been on his phone, ignore it, etc. After a couple of weeks I'd be back on his phone checking to see how things were going there. Maybe arrange a meet up with Big Wayne for a good anal shafting session.

But that's just me.

Oh and about that watsapp message? If you're on any social media that his mate and wife are on I'd be making a biiiiig song and dance about how stupidly drunk my hubby was and that I hoped [name of friend] got home okay. Then its out there in the open that his mate definitely did not stay at yours that night.

But, that's just me.

I'm sorry I can't offer anything more constructive Flowers

underthemike · 12/12/2022 00:18

Gross. I couldn't live like that, with someone like him. But maybe I'm a huge snob?

user10821 · 12/12/2022 22:45

He has form for this. I've caught him a few times in the past on similar sites and just before we got married he had a sexcam session which lasted 2 hours and cost him £300! (hence my frequent checking of his phone).

I would have called off the wedding right there and then. That was your first red flag. Highly disrespectful, so I'm not surprised that he is now on sex apps. His friends are clearly the same as well, so how long do you think it will be before he sleeps with someone else, assuming he hasn't already?

There is nothing to bide your time over or screenshot. He has no respect for you, he is on an app looking for sex. It doesn't matter if you have sex with him or not. It doesn't matter what you do. This is HIM.

Closetbeanmuncher · 12/12/2022 22:58

I couldn't live like that, with someone like him. But maybe I'm a huge snob?

I must be a snob too then.

gonkk · 12/12/2022 23:18

Closetbeanmuncher · 12/12/2022 22:58

I couldn't live like that, with someone like him. But maybe I'm a huge snob?

I must be a snob too then.

Room for one more? Grin

dolor · 12/12/2022 23:24

🎶🎵to the bin with hiiiiiiiim🎵🎶

Bedazzled22 · 12/12/2022 23:30

you may as well cut to the chase and get a divorce … or wait it out with more misery and then … get a divorce. Sorry OP horrible for you. The flag was there with the sexcam session.

BatshitBanshee · 12/12/2022 23:37

....how long would you like to continue in an Ok marriage with ok sex and a husband who is trying to meet strangers for sex.

Opentooffers · 12/12/2022 23:48

You've bided your time since before you married him - can't think why you did after the webcam revelation?
Do you happen to have experience of your DH staying out and saying he's stopped with this friend? Any signs of a reciprocal agreement?
All in all, it's a particular kind of man, with an unsavoury way of thinking, who gets involved with this crap, the kind who likes to hang around others of the same bent, because then they get reaffirmation that it's 'normal' because all men must do it if they do. This is not so, most decent men don't behave this way, so you really don't have to settle for it, just because you now have DC - like you didn't have to marry him at all really.

ofmybloodyself · 13/12/2022 00:41

Oh OP, what do you want to gain from either confronting him or biding your time and getting proof? He will not change so all you can really do is decide whether you can live it, then act accordingly. Stay, move on and get over it. Or leave. Good luck, and I really don't mean that sarcastically, I hope you are able to make the decision that will bring you the least long term pain and misery.

NoMoreFreesias · 13/12/2022 00:44

You married a camgirl user and expected him to be trustworthy?

Orangesatsuma · 13/12/2022 00:53

He doesn’t sound like a keeper!

Andypandy799 · 13/12/2022 01:22

Sounds like a keeper to me I wouldn’t leave him I would just tell him you don’t mind him shagging other women as it turns you on

OldFan · 13/12/2022 01:51

Sounds like a keeper to me I wouldn’t leave him I would just tell him you don’t mind him shagging other women as it turns you on

😂 Then he'd just be trying to get OP to join in.

Andypandy799 · 13/12/2022 04:20

@OldFan she may as well join in on the fun then at least she gets something out of it as well

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 13/12/2022 04:36

Why did you go ahead & marry him after he spent £300 on a sexcam call?

Butterfly44 · 13/12/2022 05:19

He's not going to change. And if confronted he'll just be more careful about it. Regardless of having sex with you he still wants what's out of bounds. So your decision is either to put up with or leave. Also think about how much your willing to be disrespected.

AgingDiscoQueen · 08/08/2023 23:38

I’ve been there, for various reasons desperately wanted to believe his story about getting hacked on the sex sites. Then came across the hook up apps on the family iPad. It was enough for me. It was enough to know that he was disrespecting me and acting out of integrity. I didn’t want to hear any more denial or lies and told him he needed therapy or it was over. It wasn’t my shit and I couldn’t make it ok anymore. He agreed, booked counselling and didn’t go but did dump me 2 months later. It was horrible and a shock because I loved him and could see that he was acting out of a damaged place. I would have found it really difficult to walk but already I’m so much happier away from that confusing and emotionally exhausting situation. Loving and living with someone who lies and is unfaithful (in any capacity) is corrosive and damaging. Know that it’s not you, it’s him. You can’t change his behavior. Just know that, act when you’re ready. You’ll be glad you did no matter how many challenges you have to face, they will all be easier when you’re living a life of integrity.
You’re zstronger than you know. X

DropCloths · 08/08/2023 23:40

TiAmoTiAmo · 11/12/2022 17:43

What's the purpose of biding your time and taking photos?
You know what he's done, he knows what he's done.
Up to you whether this is something you can live with or not.

This. What are you waiting for? What do you think will happen?

The only decision to make is whether you’re happy to be married to a man who does this. If not, take control of the situation.

Mmhmmn · 08/08/2023 23:46

"Oh and about that watsapp message? If you're on any social media that his mate and wife are on I'd be making a biiiiig song and dance about how stupidly drunk my hubby was and that I hoped [name of friend] got home okay. Then its out there in the open that his mate definitely did not stay at yours that night."

Definitely do this!

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