Breastfeeding and feeling lonely

[CoffeeHungry]

5 months into breastfeeding my seccond baby and its going so well, I'm so happy with how well breastfeeding is going as I struggled with my first and ended up exclusively pumping.

I'm afraid of giving him a bottle and then him not wanting me anymore so I've avoided it like the plauge.

I feel like it's taking a big toll on our relationship. I feel lonely, I feel like my partner has a whole annother life without me going out every weekend (we have a rule only 1 evening either Friday night or Saturday night so it's not all weekend). I don't think it helps that his friends all dislike me due to me not wanting him to go out every night of the week and I've had 2 of his friends message me saying I'm controlling and mentaly abusing him for not letting him go out when he wants to. During the summer months I was invited down to the pub with him and his friends to the pub garden along with his friends kids of simular age. Since the argument of me not allowing him to go to the pub every time his friends ask which is every night, I'm never invited down even when I know that other partners are down the pub too and with the kids (it's a family friendly pub and it would be an afternoon quiet drink not getting smashed drinking).

I just feel so down that my life evolves around our children and as far as me time goes is a food shop at lidl in-between feeds. As we all know having a baby you lose alot of friends and realise who your real one's are and its even worse when you have 2 under 2, I can't remember the last time I met for a friend for a coffee, the only recent time I've seen friends is at playgroups with the children. I feel trapped with my own children and feel like they are 100% my responsibility and feel like i never turn off mum mode and ive lost myself. My partner on the other hand has a whole life separate from us, going to work full time and enjoying the pub often.

Tonight he's sent me Snapchat videos of him enjoying himself and others around him with partners with them, whilst I'm at home with our two little ones, battling bed time and a baby that constantly wants cuddles and wants to be fed to sleep for comfort every time he wakes

have you told him how this is making you feel? A good husband would not let his friends treat you that way

Breastfeeding isn’t the issue here, it’s your husband leaving you feeling lonely and going out a lot when you’ve small children!

I've had 2 of his friends message me saying I'm controlling and mentaly abusing him for not letting him go out when he wants to

WTAF? What was his response to that? They’re going off what he’s telling them, which makes him an absolute dick, or they’re slagging you off and he’s shocked and angry his supposed mates speak to you like that. Which do you think it is? There is no way my husband would still see people who were so awful to me. No fucking way.

His mates are arseholes. He might be one as well. When is it your time for a break?

His mates are horrible but they wouldn't be saying this stuff if he was making a strong rebuttle so it's him creating this situation for you.

It has nothing to do with breastfeeding. You can't be down the pub every night with small children wether they are breastfed or formula fed.

Yes. How selfish of him.

All his friends have formula fed babies/children that no longer rely on milk and have very involved families that have their children over night on a regular basis so they can go to the pub. I'm the only one that's breastfeeding so already feel like the odd one out. Even if we formula fed we don't have family that are willing to have our children over night, both our parents work full time and made it clear they are a grandparent and not childcare as they all have busy lives of their own which is fair enough. We had 2/3 nights out in between me stopping feeding my first baby and falling pregnant again and I didn't enjoy them nights as I used to before babies as I was constantly worrying about him.

One of the friends that messaged me I was shocked at as he has 2 under 2 himself but then she has alot of support from her mum that dosent work and is formula feeding so is regularly down the pub with them too

What does your partner say to the messages. He should be furious about it, unless the friends have been listening to your DP bitching about you being controlling.
How long can you get between feeds? Enough time to do something either for yourself or by yourself.

I've said to my partner do you really think I'm mentaly abusing you and he replied well all my friends think you do, I said well if that's the case then leave me then. The conversation ended at that and it wasn't brought up again

Baby's feeds are really unpredictable, he's going through a phase at the moment of comfort feeding alot (it's painful as he dosent do a deep latch when he uses me for comfort so I can tell and its often not long after a feed) longest he goes is 3 hours but recently he's been going 2 hourly with comfort feeds in-between when I struggle to settle him and its the only thing that will settle him

Feeding your baby formula doesn’t mean you are down the pub every night, the same with support. We have very supportive families who love looking after our formula fed baby, but I usually say no thank you to offers of sleepovers as I prefer her to be here. Your problem isn’t to do with infant feeding, it’s a problem with your relationship and as always with these things, I do wonder what your partner/his friends would say about you if they were to give their side. Talk to him, MN can’t give you the answers because it doesn’t have both sides of the story.

He goes out every weekend when you have small children? That alone is just completely unacceptable.

He sounds absolutely horrible. Breastfeeding is not the issue here, your partner being an absolute dick head is!

Wow, they are cunts. Yes I said it.

I exclusively breastfeed my 6 month old baby. My life sounds nothing like yours. I get few hours of me time a day where baby is loaded up with milk and then whisked away by dad so I can exercise or study or whayever. I haven’t been able to leave her for an evening recently because she is bottle rejecting expressed milk, but I get out for a coffee with a mate once a week no problem.

My husband rarely goes out because he WANTS to be with us and if he does, it’s to a concert….or meeting a friend who has just flown in for dinner….something actually worth leaving us for a bit than sitting around in a shitty pub.

Here are the facts: your boyfriend is complete dogshit and keeps dogshit company.

Your life sounds incredibly lonely- but how you feed your baby is little to do with it. He has such little respect for you that your post is making me wince.

The problem isn’t that you breastfeed (mums that formula feed are just as likely to not
want to go out and leave their baby as a
mum that breastfeeds). The problem is your husband if he doesn’t stick up for you to these friends of his. You deserve more support from him OP. I would say he’s very lucky he gets out as much as he does with two young children.

You don't have a problem because you're breastfeeding.

You have a problem because you had children with a complete and utter cunt.

Don't let baby suckle without properly latching. Take him off by releasing pressure seal with a clean finger, then let him latch on properly. He can do you some damage by lazy hard sucking.

I do agree that full breastfeeding makes you closer to baby than having someone else give bottles, but that's no excuse for your husband to take himself off as if he is free of involvement. There are plenty of places you can go to together with you sticking baby up your jumper. Husband needs to grow up and behave like a father.

Your DH is a selfish bastard who seemingly lies about you to his friends in order to isolate you and enable his friends to gaslight you into thinking you are controlling. He is doing this to have more pub time. What an utter fucking cunt he is. If your partner does not have your back he is not worth having. Sorry you are going through this as being lonely with a baby is hard.

Yes he's a cunt. Completely agree.

So he’s just living life as normal while you stay home doing all the childcare?!

book a meal with friends and take the baby, I exclusively breastfed as did my best friend and we would still meet for dinner and take the babies. Leave him home to look after the older one!

Yea breastfeeding is not the issue here. My DD is also 6mo and EBF and in the last couple of weeks I've been to get my hair done, out for meal with friends and to my work Xmas do. DH has watched both DC and given DD2 expressed milk in a bottle. She can easily go 3-5 hours without a feed in day now anyway.

Look at it this way- you are a wonderful, dedicated mother who is giving her children the best start in life and that is what will matter long term, after you leave your immature partner and his obnoxious "friends".