Potential new man.. thoughts?

[FabulousKilljoys]

Just a wwyd or how would you feel about this scenario.

For the last few months I’ve been chatting to a friend of a friend quite a lot. He initially followed me on Instagram and then we exchanged numbers and have started to get to know each other properly. We seem to get on really well and we planned to meet in the new year. Distance plus parenting has made it impossible up to now.

We’re both looking forward to meeting but one thing has started making me feel iffy - all his likes on Instagram are from private accounts, usually some kind of sexy bio with a link to only fans. Consequently I can’t see whether he’s interacting with these accounts, and whilst we’re not together yet, I’ve started to feel weird that his feed is taken up with pretty much just only fans type accounts.

I know it shouldn’t bother me but I can imagine my boring photo popping up in among a feed filled with bum cheeks aloft and partially covered boobs, and it’s making me feel odd. It’s also kinda giving me the ick. I’m not a prude, have no issues with people watching porn etc, but this isn’t that. I guess I’m also worrying that I must seem boring by comparison, and I hate that I’m even considering comparing myself. I’m in my forties and whilst I’m doing ok, I’m not 25 anymore!

He's been nothing but lovely to me, seems genuine, but my ex was always messaging/meeting girls. I know I can’t tell him not to follow them - I absolutely never would - but would you be ok with this? Am I being stupid? I’d be a bit sad to stop chatting as I’m really starting to like him, but after my ex I find myself very much aware of things that don’t sit right.

Just to add, having only known him properly for a few months I’m not at the ‘if you can’t trust him..’ stage, as I don’t know him well enough to trust him yet!

I am fully aware this might be a me problem. My ex did a real number on me, and after a few years of being on my own with DC I’d pretty much decided to stay that way. I wasn’t expecting to connect with someone I like quite as much as this.

Is he not aware of how this would come across to others - professionally etc?

Thanks all for cementing what I pretty much thought myself. Must remember not to doubt myself or ignore my own feelings. I’m clearly still struggling with that.

For anyone who’s still reading, I phoned him this morning and told him it wasn’t going to work for me after all. He complained that I’d wasted his time, and that he was falling for me. Whether that’s true or not who knows, doesn’t matter anyway. The ick has set in, and I’m done. Am I a bit sad? Yes. Will I get over it? Also yes. But I’m actually really glad we hadn’t met already and I’d further invested myself. Blocked on Instagram, phone number blocked. Messages deleted. No messing about. Onward!

Hope everyone has a fab Sunday!

@FabulousKilljoys He complained that I’d wasted his time, and that he was falling for me.

Just explain him that dating is a process were two people get to know each other in order to decide if they want to get into a relationship. As much as he thinks you wasted his time he's wasted your time too, problem with a man child is it's all about them. His response goes nicely in line with liking OF girls on instagram. Good riddance OP, you want to date a grown up man.

Two things op. Firstly if you have to ask, you know it isn't right. Secondly, if you think it's "off" it's what you think that matters and you should never let yourself be persuaded by anyone else.

@Sandra1984 yeah exactly, which is what I was doing by taking it slowly from friendship to maybe something else, which he said he was fine with. I’m in no massive rush, and if it was going to happen it had to feel 100% right to me or I wouldn’t bother.

@RosesAndHellebores absolutely yeah. I just needed a few wise words on MN to confirm it wasn’t me being silly. If it feels wrong to me it doesn’t matter if it’s ok for anyone else, that’s it really isn’t it. Needed reminding of that. I don’t have anyone close irl to talk things like this over with, so you’ve all been a massive help to get my brain back in gear.

You’re all fabulous.

You've done the right thing, it would put me off and not only is he a sleeze, sounds like you've escaped a love bomber too with his declaration of falling for you before you've even met.