Dysfunctional or my fault ?

[BirmaBrite]

So its DS's birthday today, no word from anyone on my side of the family. I have explained the lack of card/contact away to DS as them simply getting their dates mixed up, although its more likely down to being my fault, as I have probably upset my Mum ( and my Dad will have to toe the line ) somewhere along the line, won't know or find out why, but just as soon as she needs something she will be in touch. They don't live more than a five minute walk away so not down to the postal strike etc
DB asked what DS wanted for his birthday a few weeks ago and again not a peep, he does have the excuse of living much further away and so could be explained away by the postal strike.
DH's family all sent money to DH to give to DS and posted cards which got here this morning.
It just feels like my family is a bit odd ?

Follow their lead for Christmas op

Then any kick off you say you assumed no gifts this year...

She has already decreed no gifts at Christmas this year ( although she will give the children some money in a card ), she does this quite regularly for her birthday, doesn't want gifts, which is fine, although I usually get her a card and some flowers, so she has a token gift because it feels wrong not to.

I don’t think kids care about cards from family. (Personally I also don’t see the point of cards at all)
If you think your son is upset and keeping score of which family member checked in - I’d tell them grandma called and said happy B-day. Little white lie goes a long way.
But I doubt your son cares.
Kids are quite simple and self focused creatures. As long as you as Mom+Dad make their birthday a special day - whatever that means in your family - that is the main thing that matters. And of course - a party with friends, if it’s on the cards.

No party and only a few gifts this year due to financial constraints. So not getting anything at all from one side of the family ( the one you see the most of ) seems worse in a way. But you are right I probably am projecting a bit, he seems happy enough.

I suppose I was just trying to work out if its normal for families to behave like this ? When I listen to colleagues describing how their families work, mine seems a bit odd in comparison to say the least. When I describe some of the things that happen in mine, I am sure some of them think I am exaggerating.

no , it’s not normal , as a similar example, i sometimes have arguments with my siblings but if it’s one of my nieces/nephews birthday i will be there or sending a gift no matter what , is not kids fault , we adults don’t speak . My siblings are the same with my kids

There have been no arguments, no cross words, but this is her Modus operandi, somehow I have upset her, and this is how she sometimes reacts, tbh its better than some of the other ways in her arsenal, so I should probably be grateful, at least ignoring the fact that its her Grandsons birthday won't get her arrested !

The 'somehow' is in the past 48hrs, when I have been at work, but she is funny about birthdays, so she could have remembered some slight from a while ago to draw on.

If your mum regularly behaves like this, just have as little to do with her as possible. 'Normal' doesn't matter, and 'normal' is often unhealthy anyway (for example, it's very normal for people to drink more alcohol/eat more unhealthy food than they should) Don't work stuff out according to what's normal. Work stuff out according to how you feel about it.