My DP has always put himself and his job first, ahead of the children and of course, ahead of me. He refused to drop off or collect at nursery, or get up in the night with the children because "work". I also work full time. We both have similar office type jobs.
I didn't realise for many years that this wasn't ok, as my own boundaries are very poor due to an odd upbringing. Since starting the menopause (I think) I am finding his behaviour impossible to cope with.
The latest incident happened yesterday, but there have been many similar. I had told him I was working at home and in meetings until 12.15 but had time to go for lunch. I was looking forward to it since we rarely get any time together since we live apart. He had taken the whole day off at the last minute for a school performance in the morning. I didn't know this until he arrived. I should also say, he has form for not listening properly when I speak and often claims to not have been told things he definitely has been. He also gets very, very angry when tired (I did all the night waking with the children because of this) and he had got up early to come to the performance.
When it got to 12.15 I was still in the meeting (online). It was with work colleagues I am friendly with and we chat in these meetings, though they are still necessary. It overran by 15 minutes as there was a lot to get through.
From midday he began to shout from the other room, are you ready to go yet? Over the top of the meeting. Walking in and out of the room where I was working, he then starts walking around sighing angrily and huffing putting his coat on and shoes. I started feeling panicky as I could see he was getting angry but could not cut the meeting short as it was necessary.
When the meeting finished I immediately stood up and started putting on my shoes to go. I was feeling sick with apprehension as we've been in situations like this so many times and he always gets really angry. I said, what's the big rush? I thought you were off all day? He went and stood with his back to me in front of the door, with his coat and shoes on. He then started shouting about he'd waited for me for two hours and I was just chatting with colleagues and being disrespectful. By this point he'd opened the front door and gone out into the communal hallway while I was still struggling into my coat and shoes. He then shouted that he was really hungry.
He then said, if you don't have time to go then say so. I was really cross by now as I had told him what time I could go, and this was only 15 minutes later which was not my fault. I then said - ok, I don't have time to go then. and went back inside.
I felt there was no point going out and spending money on lunch when he was in such a bad mood. I have done it so