Brother stealing from dead relative

[Namechangetimes100]

You might remember me from such threads as my brother faked being in the navy to con my dying dad out of £40k and have a slew of affairs and / or my brother is pretending to be in mi5.

all sound potentially fake but I assure you aren’t.

im not really posting for advice but just I need to get it out of my system because I can’t tell anyone in real life because it’s so fucking embarrassing.

He gets worse, prior to DF passing away about 6 months prior a close relative on dms side died and she was the next of kin, due to everything with DF the estate just kind of was left, until now. Dm enlisted b into trying to clear the house. Dm was largely unaware of what financial assets there were, bank accounts she knew about were frozen and funds used to pay funeral expenses, there was no will. Probate is still on going.

now to the pertinent part, dm found some investment and another bank account letters/ statements in the house, still coming through the letter box as no death certificate has been provided. She opened them, saw the cash inside the accounts (upwards of £20k) and put them in the box she was keeping for ‘important paperwork’, thought nothing of it, carried on cleaning, left the room and then came back to find b going through the boxes and pocketing the letters (which contain all relevant account info) he didn’t know she saw him. She asked what he was doing and he came up with some cover story about how she was mistaken. Days later, he’s asking for birthday and place of birth and if said relative had a passport (they didnt). M is concerned and right so given his past behaviour that he’s going to attempt to drain the accounts but yet she’s unwilling to do anything about it.

I’m not sure I can do anything as there is no branch near me, ive got 0 account info so I’d be calling with a random tip? Having worked in banking they might think me the fraudster? I don’t know.

i just can’t believe someone is such a low life.

he’s got a new girlfriend now and part of me thinks i should warn her, not that I’d be believed

best part is M wants me to invite him to my house with my kids for x mas!!! As if!

sorry I’m ranting but I just had to put this somewhere

I'm really sorry @Namechangetimes100 but I think this isn't going to work out as it should no matter what you do. Yes, you should call the bank on Monday and tell them about the death to make it harder for your DB to raid the account, but unless you can get your DM onboard some how this situation is never going to change. What's her motivation for just doing nothing? If the house is falling to bits she needs to get rid of it ASAP or she could end up with claims from the neighbouring houses but doing nothing seems mad- is she depressed or just completely fed up?
Your DB sounds like an out and out conman and your DM must have some idea of what he's really like but it sounds like she'll always defend him. Maybe she can't face admitting what her DC is really like.
Contact the bank, freeze the account, then step back and leave them to it

im not sure, I think some of it is laziness on DM part and no one forcing her to. She’s the type to sleep in til 11, have a leisurely brunch, potter around and shower and then mad dash around the shops at 5pm because everything is closing (small town) and then complain she doesn’t have enough time to do anything.

after DF died, despite me working full time being heavily pregnant (high risk too) and having two children to look after she brought bag and bags of dfs paperwork to me and asked me to take care of it all, despite her being the sole beneficiary and listed on all joint accounts (which was 98% of them)

I know it's a long shot but do you think it's worth getting your DM to see a doctor? If she only lost your Dad a few months ago it's likely she's still mourning and possibly clinically depressed, hence the total lack of motivation. It must be a real worry for you but being so far away with small DC it's not like you can just up and visit her. Could you contact her GP for her and express your concerns?

It’s actually been over a year since he passed away, and for a normal person I think it would work but she literally despises Drs, and thinks they murdered DF, whereas actually in reality she had a huge hand to play in what happened to him (this is off a tangent, but he was in chronic organ failure but it could’ve been managed, but he was a smoker and a heavy drinker, he clearly was an alcoholic but she’d always buy booze and refuse to give it up and she’d encourage him, when he was very ill she’d be in denial and not call 999, not follow up on things and chose to go out with her friends instead, this classic bury head in the sand stuff you can see in the thread, she was also incredibly abusive to the ITU staff and would be screaming in the room that my father was being murdered, he was with it at this point and the look of terror is something i won’t forget). Reason I mention this is because it was so traumatic for me I arranged a debrief with the ITU consultants and a triage for us both with the ITU psychologist who can signpost and urgent refer to services in the area, but dm refused to answer the call from them. Shame because it was most helpful

Please dont take this as rude but there's some serious issues there @Namechangetimes100 . Your DM seems to be in very serious denial about everything in her life. You live quite a distance from her- was that by chance or a deliberate decision to get away from this?
I don't usually ever suggest this but I can't help but feel that you're better keeping out of this- your DM and your DB obviously have problems and the kindest thing for you and your DC is not to engage more than necessary. I'm so sorry, this must be an enormous worry for you, far more than just the present situation but in general

Just call the bank and say the relative has passed away. Give them name and address details and say that you have concerns someone else may attempt to access the account. They don't need to discuss the account with you. If anything you sounding dodgy is a good thing as they will be more likely to tell their fraud team immediately. Then protecting the account is done by them. If you don't and protect your brother from any potential fraud investigation, you become part of the problem and it really sounds like you don't want to be.

For everyone saying to just call, I dealt with a family member's estate with a local financial company recently and there was no way to just phone!

I had to go in to the branch, it had very limited hours, I filled in paperwork and they posted it to head office 🤦🏻‍♀️. I then got the payout by cheque as they couldn't do it electronically.

Other institutions allowed me to call them, send PDFs and upload to portals but not all do.

Really sadly but this is just the tip of the iceberg and he’s been like it since he was young, i won’t regale you with stories but ultra aggressive and a pathological liar. DM is a classic narc and he was the golden child and I the scapegoated one (learned this is very common in abusive/ with a narc parent with counselling). It’s not a coincidence that I live relatively far away.

I'm pretty certain anyone can obtain a death cert. The cost of additional is about £10.
The only way to establish a total sum of accounts is to do a "financial sweep" This is normally done by the solicitor in charge of the will. My father's cost around £200. Not sure if this can be done if you're not an executor of the will.
I think I can remember your previous posts OP, your brother will be the undoing of his own misfortune.

Your Mother and brother are cut from the same cloth.

You are allowing yourself to be drawn into their self-created drama.

Frankly, so what if he steals her money? She is enjoying telling you just enough to make you responsible for her self-made situation.

You need to work out the abusive you have experienced and cut contact with them both.

Get copies of the death cert and tell financial institution of the death. When I worked with deceased accounts we froze accounts without death cert if we had the obituary or other definite info. Large accounts can only be closed and monies released with the probate document to the executors or solicitor acting on their behalf.

Any solicitor would be querying any withdrawals after date of death.

I'm not surprised Op, you living so far away makes sense now. I know it's so annoying watching your DB trying to get his own way yet again but there's no telling a narc what to do, as I'm sure you know!