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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I am so scared

26 replies

smurfgirl · 01/02/2008 16:53

Im am so so sscared my boyfriend is going to break up with me.

I amso fucked up at the moment and I am ruining everything.

I can't bare that he doesn't want me anymore, I really really love him.

OP posts:

Hecate · 01/02/2008 16:53

Why do you think he is going to end the relationship?

Maidamess · 01/02/2008 16:54

Why are you fucked up smurfgirl? whats happened?

Original poster

smurfgirl · 01/02/2008 16:55

I am self harming and he hates it and I don't think he likes me much at all at the moment because I am different. I don't mean to be, I am trying so hard.

OP posts:

Hopeysgirlwasntbig · 01/02/2008 16:59

Oh dear. Have you sought help from your GP about the self harming, it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's more common that a lot of people realise. Your GP could put you in touch with a counsellor who could help heaps.

Lulumama · 01/02/2008 17:01

are you getting any support? counselling CBT, medication?

is he getting any support from anywhere?

i remember you posted about this recently, i am sorry things are not improving

Rosbo · 01/02/2008 17:01

what do you mean by you are different?
Your boyfriend should be being supportive rather than finishing it with you. It sounds like you can do a lot better. Try and stay strong and be open about things with him - communication is the key to success for a good relationship.

Original poster

smurfgirl · 01/02/2008 17:04

Oh I have everything. Am in therapy for the self harm, GP knows, uni knows. Am doing all the 'right' stuff.

Apart from not cutting.

I am ashamed of this - I am 23 and its ridiculous.

I really love him and we have always been so solid.

OP posts:

NomDePlume · 01/02/2008 17:06

smurfgirl you are under a lot of stress at the moment. It's no fun living with someone with depression, but equally it's not fun to suffer from it.

I know this won't help and you are not necessarily in control of it but you panicking that your relationship is over will not help you with your self-harming. Surely it will exacerbate the problem and so the circle continues ?

Has he told you he doesn't want to be with you anymore ?

The 2 of you are getting married in a few months time, he loves you, he is just finding it difficult to cope.

Please keep talking here if it helps to distract you from any urges to SH.

Hopeysgirlwasntbig · 01/02/2008 17:06

What makes you think he doesn't want you anymore? What has he said?

calzone · 01/02/2008 17:07

This is the boyfriend she is marrying in October.

Maybe he thinks this is a lot to handle.

I am sorry for you but think, if you want to keep him, then you need proper medical help.

Hopeysgirlwasntbig · 01/02/2008 17:08

I agree with NomDePlume

calzone · 01/02/2008 17:08

sorry...left the post half way through writing it and you ARE getting help.

Good.

Original poster

smurfgirl · 01/02/2008 17:09

Just loads of bits.

He is going to his parents this weekend to think apparently.

I am not depressed NDP, which is hard for his to understand I think. This is about my self harm and weirdness.

I know ym cutting is bad at the moment, I know it is. Urgh

OP posts:

Hopeysgirlwasntbig · 01/02/2008 17:10

Are you having CBT?

Original poster

smurfgirl · 01/02/2008 17:11

No.

I see this team
www.humber.nhs.uk/templates/PageBodyOnly.aspx?id=3144

Its transactional analysis therapy.

OP posts:

Hopeysgirlwasntbig · 01/02/2008 17:12

Have they given you any self help techniques or strategies to try when you feel like harming?

Wisteria · 01/02/2008 17:13

TA works well for self harming. So does CBT but understanding ego states is extremely empowering.

Smurfgirl, is your self harming getting worse or are you controlling it?

Original poster

smurfgirl · 01/02/2008 17:14

Have tried drawing on myself, ice cubes, hands in hot water, elastic band etc.

I want damage when I SI so have always cut really, which is an arse, I don't like the pain at all which is what distraction type things do.

Self harm is bad these past few days

OP posts:

Wisteria · 01/02/2008 17:15

Sorry SG I notice you said it was bad at the moment. Is this related to extra stress about wedding/exams/ something else?

Wisteria · 01/02/2008 17:15

SG - do you bite your nails or smoke?

Original poster

smurfgirl · 01/02/2008 17:18

Hahaha yes Wisteria I do = I sound like a right munter.

Am headed towards needing a&e with my cutting at the moment and I know thats a slippery slope

Not sure whats happening with me tbh - am working on it in therapy though

OP posts:

Wisteria · 01/02/2008 17:26

Keep at it girl - you are doing all the right things.

The more you understand why you do it the easier it will become to decide to take control over it. Would your fiance consider coming to therapy with you? It must be hard for him to watch - my dp hates watching me gnaw my nails until they bleed.

I am a terrible nail biter and smoke too much but it stops me doing other stuff I imagine, so if you are a munter then you can join my munter club

Original poster

smurfgirl · 01/02/2008 21:33

Update.

We talked and I think he is very scared about me (as I am) and is finding it difficult, we talked a lot about our relationship and both kind of confirmed that we want it to continue and want to marry in October.

I think I will hold back on telling him about what I do - less knowledge = less fear.

Its hard because I want to cut but I know I shouldn't, but its hard explaining it to him. I feel like a bit of a knob. ho hum

OP posts:

Wisteria · 01/02/2008 21:59

It must be hard for him to understand.

He loves you - no matter why you cut.

The reasons you cut are in your past and are all related to the ego state that you were in then.

You will continue with the therapy and begin to embrace a healthier mindset - it's tough but you will get there.

if you want to talk offline I am wisteriamn at googlemail dot com x

Original poster

smurfgirl · 01/02/2008 22:05

Yeah cheers, my therapist was talking about how my childhood set my life script and my lifescript seems to be that I feel missed and invisble and its all related to that - not that my self harm is visible am queen of hiding.

Might e-mail if thats ok, you seem to know about TA?

OP posts:

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