OK i know ive been so stupid but i really need some strength and support.

[jenk1]

me and xdh split at the end of oct last year, we have 2 children a DS 11 (not biologically xdh,s) who also has AS and a dd 3.8 who is Ds,s child and who has CP and suspected ASD as well.

xdh was treating ds pretty bad and was being nasty and agressive to me so we split.

About 3.5 weeks ago i wanted to make another go of our marriage as i thought xdh had changed and he appeared to have.

but sadly no.

we went away on holiday 2 weeks ago and he came out for the 2nd week, he got ratfaced a lot, all my spends were took up paying a doctor to sort his very big hangover out (he nearly ended up in hospital) he brought no money, criticised ds in front of my family and slagged me and ds off to my sisters boyfriend who he has only known for 5 mins.

the kids were wingeing and crying througout the 2nd week and when my sister commented on it that she could see a big change in them since he came out, that was when i woke up.

now i am struggling to get him to leave, he says he has no money and nowhere to go.
i am skint cos i had to borrow money off my family to pay HIS medical bill so cant lend him any.

the atmosphere is awful, i just want him to go and feel so stupid.
DS will go ballistic when he leaves but i know its for the best.

i have been incredibly nieve, i know that, i fell for the "im a changed man" crap that he gave me.

but this time around im not frightened of being on my own cos i know i will cope.

its just very

((jenk)). Very sorry that xh has disappointed you despite the promises to have changed.

honey....there's nothing wrong with you having tried to make it work again, and unfortunately (or fortunately depending how you look at it) he proved he's not a changed man, and he probably never will be.

has he not got a friend or any family he can stay with? where did he go when you split in October?

all i can really offer is virtual hugs and i can see from your post that however hard things may feel, you are strong enough to deal with this.....and you will go on to be very happy i'm sure.

Message withdrawn

I know there are people around who can give practical advice. I would just like to say 'well done' for coming to what has got to be a really tough decision.

yes i know BOTH my children deserve unconditional love not just one.

i came home from the grocery shopping today to find that he had made dd some lunch and not ds, when i asked why not he said "he didnt want what i offered"
so i said he wanted ravioli on toast.
he shrugged.
thats not a flippin hard meal to make anyone is it?
ds said he asked for ravioli, so i made it him instead.

on Weds night while we were on holiday, xdh had been promising ds that he would take him to watch arsenal play football, ds couldnt make his mind up whether to go or watch the entertainment,
xdh said just wait until tonight and tell me.
DS decided to go to watch the match and xdh told him no you arent coming.
he broke his heart and ran off and i had to go and find him.
he said "you and him are going to get a divorce arent you, you have nothing in common and argue all the time"

i came home to an untidy and dirty house and when i asked him why he hadnt cleaned up after himself he said "i decided it needed to be done together when you were home"

WHAT A WEIRDO.

he has 2 brothers that i wouldnt inflict on my worst enemy and a sister, i think she would let him stay but he hasnt said.
his friend he was staying with before has had his house reposessed and is living with his mum i think

all today he has been mr wonderful, sweeping up,tidying up, maing me a cup of tea.
i know exactly what he,s doing, he always does this and i usually feel sorry for him, ive also had the its me i know its me ill change crap, but i know if i said ok he,d be back to his normal self in a couple of days.

he says he cant move yet cos he doesnt get paid until 2 weeks, so obviously he wants to sponge off me and have his meals here for the next 2 weeks, he says he maybe able to stay with another friend but he cant find his number,
so i said its on your phone give it to me and ill find it and he miraculously found it b ut said it was too late at 9pm to phone him, but he,s phoned him before now much later.

i can feel panick attacks building up again, i just want him to leave, im worrying about DS and how he will take it, goodness knows how i will explain it to him this time.

if you are going to separate you do need to be certain, it will be v v confusing and insecure for the dc's if he is coming and going.... they need to be able to trust what you tell them.....
it all sounds v hard but also sounds like you know it cant go on like this.....
good luck.