Just told the kids- I feel heartbroken - advice needed or just a handhold

[Feelingsobrokenrightnow]

So me and my husband separated a few months ago before he had to go away with work (military) but we hadn’t told the kids.
I asked for it due to lots of unhappiness and abuse (sexual/emotional- though I’m still processing this)
It was my decision and his not on board at all and keeps trying to change my mind, though going in circles, one min he understands and is begging me to try again, he’s changed etc and makes me feel so awful, the next he’s being awful, atm he’s playing all nice with a side of sob story and guilt.
I know him going away wasn’t the best or fairest time to do this but it was also the best time selfishly for me.

After putting it off for the last few months ( I was scared, worried I would change my mind etc, felt guilty, felt like the worst person ever) I finally told my children this evening.

I feel so heartbroken.
my elder two took it okay tbh, or appear too have but my youngest who is 9 (has adhd and autism) was utterly heartbroken and in turn I swear I felt my heart physically break.
move hugged him, talked to him, reassured him, listened to him etc and he’s currently calm but I just have this horrid feeling like I’ve made a huge mistake.

anyone else been through this. Are those feelings normal?
many advice to help the kids through it?
mot just advice in general.
I am barely holding on

I promise tonight was one of the worst bits. It may take a bit longer for your son, but he will adjust and he’ll be fine.

You deserve to be happy, and they deserve a happy mum. Sending love, I’ve been there x

I've been there too sending you lots of good vibes.
Previous poster is right, your children deserve to see you happy.
You will be happy
Stay strong, I initiated my divorce but it was 18m of grief and guilt and a lot of counselling until I felt anywhere near normal

I'm now with a gorgeous man, engaged, just bought a house and I'm so glad I got out of my unhappy marriage

I'm glad you posted this. I have no advice but I'm about to go through the same. My H is moving out at the beginning of January (his choice) and were going to have to tell our children over the Christmas period. I also have an Autistic child and I am absolutely dreading telling them.

strength to you OP 💐
I am going through similar and worrying about the kids is the worst bit. Feeling that this will be a defining moment in their lives.
But it doesn’t have to be negative for them, it’s all about how it’s handled.
im taking strength from the people on here and those I know in real life who say their parents shouidve separated earlier or that they’re glad they did because they weren’t happy.

This will be your worst day I promise..
I still feel sick thinking about but it is def onwards and upwards.
start making a new pattern of life for by and the kids.
I remember it well but 9 months in and I am happy and the kids are too.
we have a very open dialogue 10,6 and 5. And I am very honest with them.

we had a bit of a regression a month ago where we all got sad again but not for long

xx hand hold here for u xx

P.s

i agree with PP we set the scene for them. If it’s A new start for them it can be positive. And equally you can say it’s fine to be sad for not having he family we imagined we would.

I agree with PP .... this is the worst notams you already smashed it, so well done!

When me and my ex-H split by far the worse of it all was telling DC. They were upset at first but within days we were on the up and have continued to get better and stronger since.

Honestly .... the worst is done. Onward and upwards from here.

I remember telling my two (11 year old with autism and 9 year old), I too felt my heart break holding my 11 year old as she cried, too upset to speak and trying to answer my 9 year olds questions and allay his fears. We’re two months in and my worry for my kids is the worst but - they’re doing ok mostly but still ups and downs.

My hear broke a little bit again this week when my 9 year old said I was different since dad left, when I asked him in what way he said “you were singing in the kitchen today, you never sang when dad was here”. He doesn’t understand the ins and outs of it, but he sees me happier. That makes it worth the heartache.