Using cannabis

[Oranges22]

Hi I don't know where else to post other than here and no one irl can advise. My partner of almost 8 years is a cannabis smoker, has done nearly all his life and has no plans to quit. I'm in two minds about him quitting because when he smokes he's the loveliest, calm, funny person. But when he doesn't have it (maybe withdrawal?) He's so distant, bangs things around, will not talk, can be quit snappy. When I start a conversation or talk about my day at work it'll be more of a debate, he will talk over me and won't let me finish so I can't actually get to the point of my topic. I try to brush it off but deep down it bothers me that I struggle to be around him when he's not smoking it. He says that this isn't his behaviour. I don't know what advise anyone can even give I suppose I just wanted to get it out there

Ask yourself a question - could you put up with this for the rest of your life?
This is the person he is and probably always will be. Does he want to give up?
Cannabis causes paranoia and psychosis, along with other problems.

Smoking weed can make people angry when they are not smoking . I know it happens with my son and have heard the same from others. If he was off it completely he may act differently. You don't want to be with someone you only like when they are high.

You only like your partner when he is high? That does not sound like a healthy relationship.

So you are happy to support a trade where young men die and is a great incentive for Albanians to come to this country sometimes via small boats? If you condone drug taking you are a part of the problem.

That's even before the effects others have described.

If he doesn’t want to quit you need to decide if you want to stay with the Jekyll and Hyde character that he is.

He will resent you if you try to make him quit. You will resent him when he fails.

The non-user is who he really is. He doesn’t like who he really is.

I know you’ve not asked for advice but if you had, mine would be leave him. If you’re not a druggie yourself then you can do so much better than this.

My partner used to smoke. He was fine on and off it. It didn't cause any issues with him. Weed isn't that bad. Not like what people make it out to be. Helps with pain and other benefits. But your relationship doesn't sound healthy

If he’s been like this for most of his life, as you say, he’s not going to change and you’ve seen Jekyll and Hyde. Ask yourself do you want to live like this fir the next 5 years, 10 years? Do you want to involve children in this?
Only regular weed smoke I knew had the “ Jekyll and Hyde” yo- yo personality. He pinned his gf down by her throat, threw her against a wall and verbally abused her in a really disgusting way —— don’t think his behaviour can’t escalate.

If he’s mentally happier and more productive while he has it in his system it’s likely that it’s medicating an underlying MH condition or disorder . This means he’ll always be grumpy and snappy without it . I had an ex who used to take small doses round the clock but couldn’t function without it . I believe he’ll be using it till the day he dies . He grows his own so it doesn’t cost anything either . It’s down to you whether it’s a problem for you. Personally for me the only ethical and moral issue I have with recreational cannabis is the links with crime and the gateway to harder drugs when young people buy it from the same bloke who’s dealing coke . That’s why legalisation would be useful in my opinion.

My exDh was a chronic daily smoker of cannabis. Like all recreational drugs, it affects different people differently depending on why they are using it and how it affects them. Like another poster mentioned, my ex was using it to self medicate his underlying mental health issues and unsurprisingly it just made it all much worse. When he was high sure he was calm and never violent but it also made him distant, self absorbed and forgetful. When he would go off it to try to quit he would become grumpy, moody and unpleasant.

Ultimately my ex chose his addiction over me. It didn't help that many people minimise its effects on people and pretend its harmless or "not as bad" as other drugs. What matters is how drugs affect an individual's life and relationships. My ex was in a deep state of denial about weed and used to insist it was a natural and safe alternative to antidepressants or therapy. Well he never got better and in fact smoked more and more over the years. I shudder to think of how much of our money he spent on it.

My only advice is don't get distracted by arguments in the abstract about how harmful cannabis is compared to other drugs or alcohol. Many people can use it recreationally but if you're not then it is a problem.

Smoking weed can make people angry when they are not smoking .

This is utter bullshit. In fact, it's laughable.

I know loads of people who smoke it - I do too - never seen anyone angry when not smoking.

Honestly, the kind of drivel that's bandied about on MN about cannabis is pearl-clutching at its finest.

Why do you think more and more countries/states in US are legalising cannabis?

This. Completely agree

Oh come off it, the legalisation isn't a blanket announcement that cannabis does no harm. Why do you think alcohol is legal in the UK? PROFIT.

Also, it's not bullshit that some people have difficulty - sometimes immense difficulty - with cannabis withdrawal. It is psychologically addictive, & just because you & your mates smoke it, doesn't mean you're an expert.

If you talk to anyone interested in the medical profession, they are increasinglly concerned about the effects of cannabis addiction, but frustrated at the lack of opportunity to study it properly, as few people want to discuss their use openly with 'officials' due to the illegality.

I believe cannabis should be decriminalised, to remove to connection with gangs & county lines, & allow people to be able to access support without taboo. But that doesn't mean it can be taken freely with no ill-effects.

So when he's stoned, you're not on his wavelength so can't communicate, & when hes not stoned, he's vile, so you can't communicate?

What's the point of that? He's not going to change, & neither should you waste your life trying to change him.

Cut your losses, & find somebody who isn't such a pain in the arse.